Peer Review by lizbadiz (United States)

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Birthday Wishes #sweetlybitter

By: mossmachinery


FREE WRITING

Birthday Wishes

She's awake before dawn. She's only just stirred but is already tired of the day ahead of her. Still, she rises while it's early; shuffling through the clutter that's barely distinguishable in the pale light of the half-morning before the sunlight breaks through the still air, coming to kiss and reveal her rumpled bed sheets, her strewn clothes, her littered half-drunk cans of alcohol. 

Her phone buzzes with greetings: first from her parents, then her friends, relatives, colleagues, and old classmates. Some generic, some sentimental, some with promises of drinks and a celebration soon. 
Sunny but noncommittal replies are sent back, empty plans and thank-yous.  

Without them, she'd have never remembered the day at all.

Her coworker meet her with cheers, insisting on drinks after work. They laugh at the bar, mirthful as they sing boisterously and grant her well wishes upon well wishes until they depart, all half wasted. 

Her family meets her for dinner, and she dons on her special occasion dress when she'd rather drink herself to sleep. They eat, drink, and enjoy themselves as they bring out the cake and sing. As they urge her to make a wish, she closes her eyes and blows out the candles.

If only they knew she wished her birth day had never happened at all. 


Message to Readers

Ta-da! My entry for weirdo's #sweetlybitter contest. i kinda like the idea but as far as execution goes, well, that's up to you to decide. i think i could've done better so i might edit it still.


Peer Review

I think the most moving part of this piece is how it slowly becomes evident that she's a bit of an alcoholic. I also enjoyed the semi-sad cliffhanger at the end.


I'd like to know more about why she wishes she was never born, of course....


Reviewer Comments

I'm a fairly harsh reviewer, but I did like this piece a lot. I hope you do well in the contest and keep writing!