I never liked myself. I always thought i was too tall, too ugly, too feminine or too dark. After I turned the dreaded age of thirteen these feeble things became my whole existence. Morning after morning, I'd weigh myself, cursing my hourglass figure because I wasn't as skinny as a Victoria Secret's Model. Lunchtime after lunchtime I'd avoided the canteen in hopes that saving 100 calories would make me feel a little bit better. Dinner after dinner I stayed buried in my room in hope that the words 'skip dinner, wake up thinner' would actually become a reality. After the first boy, I realised that love was a fairytale. After the second boy I realised people run when they're scared. Boy after boy, day after day, they don't understand what it's like to seek comfort in those that preach love but have a heart of charcoal. After the fatal words, 'we've done it before', after nearly losing my home, after nearly losing my best friend, after losing myself. It's all a big lie. Why must I live in a world that is painful for everyone around me and myself? After I left the pain, after I fixed fallen bridges, after I became an asshole, after I formed opinions. Then I found myself. I owned each and every insult. Call me a slut, loose or easy. Call me an asshole, mean or heartless. After two years, I realised the only important thing is that I'm okay with myself.
After I lost everything and everyone I thought loved me, it dawned upon me that I've arrived. I'm in the place that I want to be. Whether it's the end or not, whether it's only the beginnning or not, I have yet to find out.