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Peace_

United Kingdom

Message from Writer

You spend so long building up walls that when you want to scream and shout you don't know how. When the cracks in your walls form, just write. Just write it all down until you can't write anymore.

Here Now

April 5, 2016

I never liked myself. I always thought i was too tall, too ugly, too feminine or too dark. After I turned the dreaded age of thirteen these feeble things became my whole existence. Morning after morning, I'd weigh myself, cursing my hourglass figure because I wasn't as skinny as a Victoria Secret's Model. Lunchtime after lunchtime I'd avoided the canteen in hopes that saving 100 calories would make me feel a little bit better. Dinner after dinner I stayed buried in my room in hope that the words 'skip dinner, wake up thinner' would actually become a reality. After the first boy, I realised that love was a fairytale. After the second boy I realised people run when they're scared. Boy after boy, day after day, they don't understand what it's like to seek comfort in those that preach love but have a heart of charcoal. After the fatal words, 'we've done it before', after nearly losing my home, after nearly losing my best friend, after losing myself. It's all a big lie. Why must I live in a world that is painful for everyone around me and myself? After I left the pain, after I fixed fallen bridges, after I became an asshole, after I formed opinions. Then I found myself. I owned each and every insult. Call me a slut, loose or easy. Call me an asshole, mean or heartless. After two years, I realised the only important thing is that I'm okay with myself. 
After I lost everything and everyone I thought loved me, it dawned upon me that I've arrived. I'm in the place that I want to be. Whether it's the end or not, whether it's only the beginnning or not, I have yet to find out. 

 

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  • April 5, 2016 - 4:14am (Now Viewing)

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