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Message to Readers

I would like to receive some constructive criticism on the tense I wrote this in as well as if I included enough description or too much.

Singing in the shower

May 9, 2019


Sydney Steele                                                                                                                        05/7/19
A short story from a prompt
My feet hurt like crazy by the time I get back to my apartment and once again I open the door to a messy kitchen. I’d forgotten that the night before I had stayed up baking new flavored cupcakes and pastries for the bakery. No wonder I was so tired this morning.
I walked into my bedroom, ready to just fall asleep without doing anything else. As I layed on my bed, trying to keep my eyes open for a few moments longer, I heard the sound of my next door neighbor singing. It wasn´t the first time I´d heard him doing this, the walls here are like paper. He sings in the shower, and his shower is just on the other side of mine. I´ve never met him, but sometimes we end up showering at the same time and we sing duets. Christmas a few months ago we sang Baby It´s Cold Outside. A few days ago we sang What a Wonderful World.
He was singing Shallow. I sat up and suddenly decided I needed a shower. I stood singing in the shower with my neighbor until my water got cold and the haze of mist stifled out. We sang through what could be three playlists together. Tired, wet, and unbelievably cold, I crawled into bed and tried to stop shivering.
The next morning I woke up late and hurried through my morning routine, skipping breakfast and of course the overwhelming mess I’d left in my kitchen the night before. When I got to the bakery, Hannah was bustling around behind the counter, trying her best to keep up with the morning rush. With a sorry look on my face and a sour taste in my mouth, I ran in to help her.
Nothing seemed to go right that morning. One of the coffee makers quit, a few trays of muffins boiled over and burnt in the oven, and the whole place smelled like burnt muffin all day.
“Are you okay?” Hannah looked genuinely worried about me.
“I’m fine, just a little rustled up from this morning. I’ll be better tomorrow. I promise.” I said with a half smile and continued to clean up shop.
“Okay. Have a great night.”
“You too.” I locked the doors and checked my phone as I made my way to bus station. Normally I would’ve driven, but I was in such a rush this morning I didn’t think I’d have time to look for my keys.
Today was worse than yesterday. I thought owning a bakery was my dream. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean, it’s a huge success, but it sure takes a lot out of me.
I got off the bus and walked into the complex, only to find that the elevator was out of order. Great. I made my way up eleven flights of stairs to get to my apartment. Once again I was greeted with the mess I’d left in my kitchen a few nights ago.
It wasn’t too late, so I decided that I’d finally clean my kitchen. I turned on some music and started some dish water. I danced around my kitchen with a wet rag and sink full of suds until it sparkled, singing along to my favorite songs. Suddenly, I heard my neighbors voice again, but it wasn’t coming from the bathroom like usual. In fact, it sounded like it was coming from my front door.
I opened the door and found a cute little old man walking down the hall, twirling his keys with his fingers. His smile was crooked and his hair was whispy white and very thin. His eyes
were bright blue and they sparkled as he laughed, “Hi there! I believe I’m your next door neighbor. It’s nice to finally meet you!”
I wasn't sure what tense to write this in and I think I messed up a few times, but I really liked the idea for this story and wanted to try my hand at it. I really like the ending and I hope anyone else who reads it will too!

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  • Squidz2Nuts

    Budding Mae- I wouldn’t mind at all if you used this concept. I would love to see how someone else would write this story!

    about 1 year ago
  • pencils.and.paper.roses

    I love this concept! Do you mind if I use it?

    This is very well written and I love how you did it. :)

    about 1 year ago