Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
this revision i wanted to make more obvious the disordered personality of the main character. i think that people didn't understand last time that this was more about a personal struggle than a relationship. it's not personal to me in any way, but here's a tiny warning if you're sensitive to psychologically heavy stuff.
i didn't get a lot of comments on the first draft, and i wanted to tell you all (again) that feedback, particularly criticism, is very important to me. if you could spare a comment for this piece it would mean the world! (probably not the cosmos though :) )
Like this isn't one particular thing that I like, rather, a combination of many things that make this poem incredible. This work has a great variety of techniques and is very cohesive. There is also something about it that displays your confidence as a writer. What I mean by that is the way you use techniques and the words you choose make it clear that you know what you're doing when you write. It shows maturity in your style, something often absent in many young writers.
I feel like while you are extremely articulate and you have the ability to write some beautiful things, there is a risk of overwriting and making some parts a little difficult to understand. I think there's only one instance of this in the poem and that might have just been me, but I think that overwriting in general does make some parts harder to understand and may even be intimidating to some readers. What makes this a little difficult to fix is that there is a very fine line between great writing and overwriting. I think that you've got a pretty good sense already of which is which, so I'd suggest just being a little more careful.
This has become one of my favourite poems. Honestly your works are always a pleasure to review. Keep writing, keep improving!