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"ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which i will not put."

Message to Readers

revision ii
this revision i wanted to make more obvious the disordered personality of the main character. i think that people didn't understand last time that this was more about a personal struggle than a relationship. it's not personal to me in any way, but here's a tiny warning if you're sensitive to psychologically heavy stuff.
i didn't get a lot of comments on the first draft, and i wanted to tell you all (again) that feedback, particularly criticism, is very important to me. if you could spare a comment for this piece it would mean the world! (probably not the cosmos though :) )


July 12, 2019


you're beautiful (darling) i remember
when i told you these words i was inhaling
the blond tusks of your flaxen hair your
pretty pewter eyes in my hard solid
sockets and you wanted to kiss me and i
said okay.  you're precious (angel) i was
stuck in the molds of your symmetrical
skin since i saw you at first chiseled
cheeks in my shattered eyes staring like
you loved me and it was alright.  you're
fire (baby) and i'll stay warm rather
than freeze in the real world because
it hurts so much where everything is.  you're
sugar (dearest) and i'd eat you again
and again gnawing at your perfect face your
beautiful bones, as long as it  would take to
make you real
but i'm stuck
with poisoned neurons and bloody
eyes ready to stare, ready to
tear yours open with a ceaseless, with an
empty empty void.  (_) you're a lifeless
assessment of a world that
isn't there.


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  • Dmoral

    "when i told you these words i was inhaling"
    sighs, this is beautiful and i'm not quite sure why

    "you're / fire (baby) and i'll stay warm rather / than freeze in the real world because / it hurts so much where everything is"
    favorite lines. your figurative language here caught my attention the most and i absolutely loved everything you wrote. i like the power and the feelings you have written between the lines and the way you express everything.

    ugh, you're an amazing writer

    5 months ago
  • weirdo

    Absolutely beautiful

    about 1 year ago
  • The Bubbling Pen

    such a striking piece with vocabulary that really makes its mark - you convey the disruptive feelings and emotions really well and I think it is the rawness of the piece that brings everything to life xx

    about 1 year ago
  • Araw

    Yo, the uncomfortable imagery like the gnawing, poisoned neurons, and bloody eyes is so well done. This was such an interesting and heavy piece.

    about 1 year ago