Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I love how you incorporate the actual steps of making bread into your life, ie "First I mixed together what I had. My family. My memories. And of course the yeast- this new world surrounding me. Knead it together. Push and pull and turn and repeat. Then the most important ingredient. It took me a long time to make a new life. At times I was impatient, angry, emotional. Sometimes it was hard for me to knead the dough in between the intervals of rising. Sometimes I didn't want to make this bread, to create this new life. All I wanted was to be young again, in our kitchen with my mother. " i absolutely loved this part, as you seamlessly blended you life and food.
You focused on the connection with your mother, and the feeling of home. bread makes you feel at home, it taught you lessons, it bonded you (like yeast get it) with your mother. I felt your adaption to changes through the words.
Maybe a little background, New Zealand came up suddenly. Other than that, you've expanded the idea well.
I like how you started the essay, it is a great beginning, but it doesn't make me 'bite' immediately. Maybe start with some dialogue with your mother, a description of eating bread, smells, or even some words in italics (like push, pull, etc)
Overall, I loved your piece! Since it is an essay, I'd say you should focus on sentence structure and syntax. Cut to the bone if you can, and be careful not to repeat things too much. On the other hand, the theme of food and undertones of family, change, and home are spot on. :)
I love the metaphors, you make it effortless and woven beautifully together. Well done. ALSO I absolutely realize that you may have already submitted this for the competition, however please keep on with this. It's beautiful, but you can always edit something!