Peer Review by The Dreamer (South Africa)

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In progress (re upload)

By: runaways


The guards opened the large wooden doors, reviling two hooded figures.
“Your majesty,” announced one of the guards. “These two have requested your council.”
“Very well,” the king replied. The scowl slowly vanishing off his face with obvious difficulty.
“Your majesty,” said the first figure in a voice that was obviously masculine. The second hooded figure knelt in a sweeping curtsy. “We have come to seek your guidance. For our people have-”
“I can not think of a reason why you have kept your faces hidden unless you have something to hide. In which case I will not speak with you.” King Owen announced, his voice echoing throughout the large room, cutting off the speaker.
In almost perfect unison, both figures reached up and pulled down their hoods, revealing two of the most enchanting faces Miles had ever seen. Both of them had pale skin, set off by their flowing black hair. But while the man’s eyes were emerald green, the girl’s were the brightest blue Miles had ever seen. Her black hair was braided through by colorful, little flowers; so out of place in the cold throne room, that it took all Miles had to fight the smile pulling at his lips. That's when he saw them. The girl’s ears, they were pointed. Miles quickly looked over to the man, hoping it was not true, but his ears were also pointed.
Miles struggled to keep his face emotionless, for a prince should never give away shock. His father's voice rang through his head; your enemies will not hesitate to use your weaknesses against you. Miles knew it was true, but still, the shock that ran through his body was vast. It’s not like I’ve never seen a fairy before, thought Miles. That was true, he had seen plenty of fairies in his textbooks and a few from a distance in the markets. But never this closes and never in the palace. Miles glanced over at his father in order to see his reaction. To an untrained eye, the king’s face forsaken no emotion; but Miles knew better, the tension in his shoulders betrayed the energy that it took to keep his face bare of disgust. Miles couldn’t quiet the voice echoing in his head; unnatural, unnatural.
The girl, who couldn’t have been much younger than Miles himself, spoke for the first time. “We are so sorry to bother you but we have no other choice,” her voice flowed sweet like honey. “Our village has been attacked and taken over by bandits. Please, we have nowhere to go.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to do,” the king's voice was stern, amplified by the high ceiling and long walls. “We do not do charity.”
“And we do not want your charity, only a little grace in our time of need,” the girl’s words almost sounded like a plead but her face was still set in clear determination.
“Just a place to stay for a little before we can start a new,” piped in the man.
“And where exactly do you expect us to put you? Despite common belief, there are not countless houses in Anacora.”
Miles knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help it, he opened his big mouth, “Is it only the two of you? Where is everyone else?” For a dreadful moment, the room was completely deprived of all sound. The fairy man looked at Miles as if just realizing he was there. Miles could only imagine the look of surprise and disappointment on his father's face but he refused to look or back down.
Then the girl spoke up, “Yes. My father and I ran as soon as we heard the bandits and their horses over the hills.” Her fierce determination had started to slip away, replaced by a faraway look in her eyes. “We are the only ones who made it out. Please, my little brother is still there.”
“What are your names,” Miles demanded in his best imitation of his father.
“I am Alessia Truewood of --- and my father here is Baldwynn Truewood.”
Finally, Miles let himself look at his father. The message in his eyes was clear. Miles would regret this later. But he couldn’t stop now. The voice in his head wouldn’t quite; unnatural, unnatural. But for some unknown reason, Miles felt a strong need to stand up for these... people? Are they even really people? “Father, there may not be infinite houses in Anacora but there are countless rooms in this palace. Definitely enough for two just seeking quick refugee, who need I remind you are from a village that is, in fact, part of your province. Surely we can spear one or two rooms.”
The hatred did not fade from the king’s eyes as he turned back to Alessia and Baldwynn, “My son here is completely out of turn and has no right to make decessions in my name.”
“But do you really have a room we could stay in?” inquired Alessia, a glimmer of hope shining behind her ---
“Not one that is available at the time.”
“But father, if it was me who was captured would you want help?” Miles tried.
“That would be different.”
“How am I any different from the little boy who has lost his family?”
“You are to be king!”
“If I am to be king then I must be able to make decisions. If you won’t help them find their son and brother, the least you can do is provide a room for them.” Miles could tell he won. If his father refused then he would not only look like a bad king but a bad father as well. If there was one thing Miles was sure of is that his father cared more of what others saw then what really happened.
“Fine,” he said, turning back to the Truewoods. “You may stay in the palace for no more than a week. Then you must find your own place.”
“Thank you, thank you. Your --- will be rewarded,” Baldwyyn exclaimed. Alessia said nothing but her face lit up with a smile.
“I think we’re done here,” Owen said with a   wave. “Guards, will you please escort these people,” I guess they are people, “to the guest rooms.”
“Yes, your majesty,” and the guards were off with Alessia and Baldwyyn in tow.
“I think I’ll just go…” stuttered Miles as he got up from his chair, planning to get away from his father's rage as quick as possible.
“You think you can just leave after you have made me look like a fool,” the King’s voice was deprived of emotion. That's when Miles knew. He was in for it. “You are sadly mistaken.”
His father got out of his throne slowly. Taking Miles by the arm, he pulled him out of the joyless room into a hallway, that was not much better. Miles knew where he was going and knew what awaited him. But he couldn’t help it, he felt proud that he could help someone.
Even if that someone is a fairy?
We’ll see.

This is a part of a story I am writing for school. If anyone has any notes I would be very grateful. 


Message to Readers

This is a part of a story I am writing for school. If anyone has any notes I would be very grateful.


Peer Review

I love how this started out in a palace with kings and princes and two hooded figures. Just these words will make me practically hug myself with delight. I love the setting and where this story is going. Your descriptions and comparisons were also great. They weren't too compkicated and didn't bore you but they were beautiful and gave me a clear picture of what was going on.

The one thing I would like to say is that I think you should introduce the prince a bit earlier on. There is no need to reveal who he is but perhaps just mention him. So that when the reader is told his thoughts they are not left wondering who he is, how he came to be in the palace and what he is doing there. Perhaps where you mention that "the second figure knelt in a sweeping curtsey" , you could continue to say "towards the king, who was seated on his high and mighty throne. Miles stood next to the king, silent, as was expected of him." Or something like that. Just so Miles is also introdu ed to the picture.

Reviewer Comments

I can't wait to read more of this story. It has me captivated. I want to know more about this world, their prejudice of fairies and life in the palace. I know you said this was a school thing but could you please continue the story here as well because I would really love to read more. Great job, by the way!