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United States

Becoming Her

March 18, 2016

PROMPT: Open Prompt

It was  around age six when I first met her  she had long flowing hair and the face of an angel  she had very medium sized boobs and a very conceited beauty about her what confounded me was how much we resembled each other how when she smiled it was the same crooked smile I gave under nervouness how when she moved it was the most graceful and refined thing in the world but also familiar how she walked gracefully like a dancer and smile cheerfully as if she was a transgender but there was something else something I couldn't quite figure out she had these eyes that looked like they had seen so many lifetimes of happiness pain sadness and regret all wrapped up in one big box with a name card that read life.that wasn't the first time I seen her she keep coming back each time more sullen than the first  she never spoke her lips moved but she never said anything as if she was waiting on me to figure it out it didn't take me Kong to realize I was that girl  I always felt a deep connection to her because I was here she was everything I wanted to be it didn't take a genious after that to realize I was transgender but I was scared I'm still scared to to this day even know  that so much is going for me I'm the first openly transgender tern in fwisd to be on the cheer and dance team and offered the full females uniform I will also be allowed full access to female facilities and sports team but I can't help but cry and want to die to stop breathing to not even try I see so many famous transgender girls and it makes me ssd what makes me unique what makes me Athena there all so pretty and popular and all I ever wanted to be was pretty and popular I watch so many TV shows such as pretty Lil liars and scream queens I see how pretty those girls are and I think how could I ever be as flawless as them will I ever be a woman or will the term trans stick onto me like a permesnt tattoo like a shadow never leaving you should I be who I wanna be or who society perceives of me I don't know my mind draws blanks and I cannot pen any thoughts beyond that of depression it doesn't make it any better that they scream at me to take mepy medicine the overworked employees strained with long hours the smasrt girl who just can't seem to focus in school the tired individual who just wants to be happy I have become all these things I seriously need help for I am at suicides door banging at it and I fear it has heard me 


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