Peer Review by The Dreamer (South Africa)

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The Mermaid Behind The Waterfall

By: Boogie With Stu


FREE WRITING

A waterfall is an inspiring thing, so here is a story inspired by a waterfall.

Iris was thirteen years old and had been living on Twisted Creek since she was eleven, nothing odd had ever happened on Twisted Creek until today.

Iris just happened to be walking down to the creek on this fine hot sunny day, her silky red hair blew in the breeze, she had just reached the water, she went straight to the rock she always sat on, when a big shape dived off of it. She lurched in surprise, was that a tail she thought thinking of mermaids, she went over to the rock and examined the wet prints on it, but what would a mermaid be doing on Twisted Creek, it was probably just a big fish, but she couldn't help thinking the print on the rock looked like a hand, a webbed hand. this was it she had to investigate further, so she crept over to the water looking very hard, and even harder was she trying to be quiet, she slid into the water and waded over to the spot where the thing had dived, there was a hissing noise, mermaid or not, whatever it was was coming from behind the waterfall, Iris wasn't the kind of person to get scared easy, but that slightest bit fear she had, was overcome by curiosity, she walked over to the waterfall and put her hand over the top so that she could see underneath, she gasped, a pale face looked up at her, it wasn't the kind of mermaid you usually picture in stories and stuff, it seemed more like a fish than a human, not just any fish, but a shark, a shark that was just about to eat you. It hissed she could see its fang like teeth, Iris backed away, the mermaid swam past her and she slipped in the water, "Well I'm already wet so it doesn't matter" she said under her breath as she swam after the mermaid, but then the mermaid submerged and she couldn't see it, she dove under water and saw a blurry tail move, Iris swam after it, but her breath failed her and she came up air, she opened her eyes and there it was, the pale face with water color eyes staring at her menacingly, Iris was breathing heavily in fear (and because  she was out of breath from swimming under water) was it going to eat her, or take her to some magical fairy kingdom, she didn't know. Then hissed continually, was it talking "Can you understand me" she said, but it obviously could not, cause just then it lunged at her and clawed her with it's webbed hands, she swam backwards, and it pursued her, she kept swimming, she reached a certain spot and the mermaid stopped, she couldn't believe it, she really thought it was going to eat her. But then she noticed the shallow spot in the water her mother had told her not to go, there was something moving in it, three small fishy looking things, that looked like the mermaid, is that why her mother told her not go that way, did her mother no about mermaids Iris thought a moment, her mother had told her not to go swimming for the last couple weeks, it all added up, baby mermaids.

Iris went up to the house and told her mom all about it, so she was right, her mother did no all about it, cool. Iris went to the creek a lot and watched the baby mermaids grow and learn to swim and catch fish and stuff, but from now on she stayed away from the mother.  

               
                   

 


Peer Review

I really liked the idea of mermaids being more fish-like and the more being so teritorial and protective of her babies. It was really sweet.


How did Iris's mom know about the mermaids?


Reviewer Comments

This was a lovely short story. You had a few grammar mistakes but everyone has those. You also tend to write really long sentences (don't worry I did too) but the more you write the easier it will be for you to know when to end a sentence. Well done!