Peer Review by The Dreamer (South Africa)

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The Stable Boy

By: PureHeart


FREE WRITING

So most of the time I spend shovelling hay about the stables. I tend to the horses when their not being used; I feed them, wash them, brush them. They are fascinating warriors; such gentle spirits. They want to be free, galloping in the meadow, the gushing wind racing through their fur. They are independant, steadfast, and yet they love being looked after, cared for. Or maybe I just have a way with them.

Of course, when I'm not shovelling hay and tending to the horses, I shovel their feces. Ha, not so fun, but it needs to be done. And who better to do this job than a stable boy? The stench is evil and reeks of impurities darker than coal. Even when I am out of the stable, the smell still lingers. I try well to not look like I have a permanant grimace on my face, especially when I come face to face with one of my Lords or Ladies.

Sometimes I gaze into Hemmerworth House, just to get a glimpse of what it is like inside. I never really go inside; I am the stable boy after all. Though I have heard whisperings of what it is like. The servants at the house gladly tell me everything; all the gossip, news, everything - even when I am uninterested to hear. Sometimes I find myself wandering if it is better to be a servant on the inside than on the out. Is the interior of the house as beautiful as what I see? The exterior? I may never know.

Though I do know all my Lords and Ladies. I'm the newest member of the group of servants, and I have maid it my goal to know everyones names. It is easy to catch on with my fellow colleagues titles; there is Sue, the Head Chef of Hemmerworth House. She's a short, plump lady, with determined red cheeks, as if she has had an arguement with one of the 'Minor' Chefs, as she likes to call them. There is also Charlotte; she's the Handmaid of one of the Ladies of the house, though I can't remember who. She flirts with me -I politely take little notice- and then she flirts with all the other male servants, like; Archie, a 'Minor' Chef with a slight chip in his tooth, which is apparently cute according to Charlotte; Tom, the youngest member of servants, who polishes the Lord's shoes; and then Elton, the Butler, who barely speaks, and stands emotionless when he is spoken to. 

All the Lords and Ladies have a little more variety; a much more mixed group of persinalities. The Fletcher Family consists of Mr Fletcher, Mrs Fletcher, along with three daughters and one son. Their son, Ronald, the youngest of the siblings, is a tall, proud man, sticking his nose in the air like he already runs the place. Then there is Grace, the eldest, though don't let her name fool you. She takes herself seriously, too seriously, with a stern look about her as she dissaproves with everything her sisters do. Then there is Paige, the quiet girl who sits at the corner of them room, wanting no attention, and barely making eye contact with anyone.

But then there is Marie, an intricate, unique young women, with rare good looks and thrives when venturing the outside world. Her hair is always done up loosely, with little effort, as if she had done it herself. Brown in colour, with fray hairs sticking out in all the wrong places, it looks so right on her, like a crown of beauty. Her eyes a green, like blades of grass set alight by the sun, a spark in her eyes; a sense of liveliness. Freckles that dust her nose, barely noticable, though I notice them time and time again. An endearing feature. With lips a pale pink, like a rose before spring; waiting to bloom, waiting to shine. Her spirit is fearless. Infact, other than her brother, she is the only ine who visits the stable. And while her brother is only visiting them to 'check on things,' Marie visits to ride one of the horses; to be free of her world inside Hemmerworth house.

She is a beautiful creature. And its just like me to fall for someone I can't have.


Message to Readers

Please tell me what you think; comment below!


Peer Review

I really liked the cast of characters and hkw they were all introduced. It makes me think that I am about to read a very intricte and compelling drama.


I think some of the characters could be described a bit better. For example instead of just saying who they are and what they do add a little bit of personality. Tell the reader about something that the character does, something that doesn't relate to that persons status or job, but their personality. For example, she regularly puffed out her cheeks and clenched her hands into fists, as if she had something to say. But she never said it. Basically kind of what you did with the head chef.


Reviewer Comments

I hope this isn't the end. I really hope you continue this little saga because I know you can make it an amazing and gripping story. Well done and goodluck! :)