Peer Review by mason wong (United States)

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Part 1 of Chapter 1 of 'Clue Me In" (Co-author: Christy.Wisdom)

By: bride124


FREE WRITING

Chapter 1- Minnie

“Make sure you read Chapter 11! Due by next class!” Mrs. Marko screams during the shrieking of the bell.
Me and my best friend Daisy saunter down the hall.
“I still cannot believe that it is spring break! Soon we’ll finally leave this hellhole and go to high school and become a sophomore,” Daisy starts.
“Wow!” I interject.
“What?”
“A sophomore. A sophomore.”
I sigh.
“I’ll text you later. Have a nice spring break!”
“Bye,” Daisy says during their embrace.
I prepare my locker and backpack for the long school hiatus and starts to dash toward the exit of my soon-to-be-former school, Jefferson Middle School, when I collide with a fellow classmate.
“Oh! Sorry!” I say apologetically.
“It’s fine,” the boy says.
I pick up my dropped book then looks up and immediately make a double-take.
“What is the problem,” Jason asks.
My insides turns into knots.
“Nothing.” I respond in a smile. “Sorry again. Bye.”
I shoulder past him and walks all the way home.
During the walk, I ponder and smile about what just happened.
I just pushed past Jason Anderson. With having piercing blue eyes and luxurious black hair, he has been my crush. For three years.
Weirdly, everytime I think too much about him, my mind becomes rapidly confused with quick snapshots, seeing a litter of red cups, and a old beer bottle spinning round and round and round…
Before I get too dizzy, I quickly entered my house and shout “Hi Mom, Hi Dad!”
“Hi, Minnie,” Mom says while stirring cookie batter.
“Hey! Taste this!”
“Sure!”
I dip her index finger in the massive bowl and place it in my mouth. This rich and silky texture makes my tongue smile.
“Yum! What are the cookies for?”
“Um…” Mom flusters.”A board meeting.”
‘But didn’t you get off work like three hours ago?”
“Sorry, I mean a gala. And hey, what is with the fifth degree!”
“Okay, okay! Oh, can you drive me to a sleepover at Daisy’s? We are celebrating the beginning of spring break.”
“Sure. Start packing now. I will drop you off before I go to my… gala.”
“Cool,” I nod and start to head upstairs.


Message to Readers

This a rough draft for you guys to enjoy and for my co-author to edit. I hope you like it!


Peer Review

I am surprised you use the life of a high school student. Not real life, but it is still surprising or moved me.


What causes to write this story?


Reviewer Comments

This piece is really good!!!!!!!!