Peer Review by iariail (United States)

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It’s Real and It’s Effective

By: natalieagcl


                                                                It’s Real and It’s Effective
    Bad endings come from bad beginnings. The effects of cyberbullying are serious and almost always never turn out great. It is easier to say something behind a screen than to someone's face. The bully does not think that it does not hurt as much if it's written online and that it can be deleted. Even though it is deleted it stays in the internet forever; there can be screenshots and saved messages. Being bullied online is serious, as well as other ways of bullying, everyone can see has been written about and they can also see how you reply and who the bully is.
    The internet was created for free expression and a variety of ideas and suggestions from different people across the world. Cyber bullying is a serious offence on the internet, and some states have made a law against it. According to The Ugly Side of the Internet,  “40 percent of online users have experienced bullying, harassment and intimidation. 70 percent of users between age 18 and 24 say they've been the target of harassers. Women and minorities have it worst.” Bad things that are said on the internet can lead to depression, self-esteem issues and even suicide. People are willing to risk their health and their lives just because of a hurtful comment said on the internet. Thier level of confidence will decrease and anything that they do might be criticized or judged by people. Society today is very harsh and antisocial. We look at our screens all day and comments that are posted affect everyone. Think before you say or do something because you never know what kind of outcome it will be.
    Bullies are everywhere you go, online and school. Getting bullied starts at young age. For some people and it affects a child's happiness and ability to go out into the world and be their own person. They will always have that one part of their life they miss, happiness and joy. For Lizzie Velasquez,  (a student in kindergarten) she first got bullied in kindergarten. She was raised normally by her parents and didn't think there was anything wrong with her body. Unfortunately for her and her family, she had a rare condition where she could not gain weight. Being a happy little girl Lizzie went into kindergarten excited and ready to learn. Right when she walked in the room kids were staring at her, pointing, calling her names and seemed very weird around her. Everyone told her she was just the same as every other child except smaller. Overtime she had made some friends and in High School, became a cheerleader and write for the school newspaper. A she was scrolling through some videos she found a video titled “The World’s Ugliest Woman.”, and the video was all about her! At that very moment everything had fallen apart. Her fragile self-esteem had shattered, something that had taken years to build up all crushed in one second. Lizzie said herself as she was scrolling through the comments, "There were thousands of comments, and they ranged from saying, the world would be a better place if she wasn't in it, to giving her tips on how to take herself out of this world." Her father told her the best response was forgiveness. She used the video to help empower herself and get past everything people have said. She became a motivational speaker and gave a TED Talk with over 9 million views. Velasquez is now the subject of a new documentary: "A Brave Heart: The Lizzie Velasquez Story," directed by first-time filmmaker Sara Bordo. Bullying never ends. It always goes on even if you're not there to read it or experience it. People are afraid to stand up thinking it illustrates a sign of weakness, and it doesn't. It is standing up for someone and making the situation known and putting out there. Take stand to help someone going through a tough time.
    Cyberbullying and any other type of bullying can really take a toll on people. It can cause depression, suicide and major insecurities. Support groups and youth groups are offered for everyone who is in a situation like this. So far bullying has become a big topic and people have been standing up for what they believe in. Every comment and every mean video sent out has been put behind them. Instead of listening to what people have to say, listen to yourself because that is the only opinion that should matter. Don't let the bullies get in the way of your dream and your happiness. Empower yourself by fighting for what's right. If you see someone getting bullied tell someone. This can be changed by having everyone come together and be there for one another.
    Cyberbullying isn't just bullying, and often times it is harassment. It will always be easier to say something behind a screen. Once a person says something, it can never go away. Its effects on a person can lead to serious danger. An innocent person should not be bashed for something they didn't do, they were born to be themselves and not someone who fits amongst the lines of society, but to stand out and make a mark on life.


Peer Review

The hook is great! I like the organization and use of a real life example.


Although cyberbullying makes it easier to bully people, it is still wrong and hateful.


I think you really started to add emotion near the end of this essay which was very convincing.


Don't be frightened by all of the comments I made! Most of them are simple fixes, and it doesn't mean that the essay is terrible. I really enjoyed your essay and thought it was very strong; these suggestions will just make your work stronger, and hopefully you will remember some of this advice for any other essay you write.


Yes, I also really enjoyed your last sentence.


Don't be scared to add your opinion earlier on to the paper!


No additional comments.