Peer Review by Araw (Australia)

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Existential - Please Review

By: SparklingEmbers


Is it crazy to believe
Another realm, we could achieve.
Another sunrise, another day,
Another planet, another way.

Is it crazy to believe
We could run from fear.
We could start a dynasty,
A new society.

Is it crazy to believe
There are many more
There is no outbreak of war.
There is a free world-
A door.

A door that holds color
Shapes and sizes
Many prizes.
A sun that streams golden
Never hidden by clouds of doubt
A world full of embolden-

Seas, lakes and rivers
A world consisting of givers
Grass so green
You never have seen.

Flowers of bright
Pink yellow purple
Blue red, orange
Petals never melting
Never losing light.
Never fading black or white.

Creatures so majestic
Fragile and domestic
All shapes and hues
Eyes can’t refuse

Listing every aspect
Would take far to much time
Just picture with your imagination
A world with no crime

Is it crazy to believe
Another realm we could achieve
Another sunrise, another day
Another planet, another way.

This is for a school project please review!!!!!!! :) 

Message to Readers

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peer Review

I like how contemplative this piece is. I can tell that these words are built on long and thoughtful self reflection. The poem, to me, is also a really great message of hope. It can be motivating to someone's vision of the perfect world articulated in poetry.

It's nice to know your vision for the world and to be able to visualise what perfection looks like, but something that could add further depth to your ideas would be how to achieve this. The concept of a utopia has been explored forever because the idea is very interesting. This interest stems from the fact that a perfect world is so easily achieved in theory if people were to just mature and get along, but in practice it is incredibly complicated because maturing and being good isn't easy. The depth you could explore this topic to is almost infinite, so I encourage you to reflect on it some more.

Reviewer Comments

This is a really nice piece with a good subject matter. Nice job on this one.