Peer Review by Nepeta_Cataria22 (United States)

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Existential - Please Review

By: SparklingEmbers


FREE WRITING

Is it crazy to believe
Another realm, we could achieve.
Another sunrise, another day,
Another planet, another way.

Is it crazy to believe
We could run from fear.
We could start a dynasty,
A new society.

Is it crazy to believe
There are many more
There is no outbreak of war.
There is a free world-
A door.

A door that holds color
Shapes and sizes
Many prizes.
A sun that streams golden
Never hidden by clouds of doubt
A world full of embolden-
Ment.

Seas, lakes and rivers
A world consisting of givers
Grass so green
You never have seen.

Flowers of bright
Pink yellow purple
Blue red, orange
Petals never melting
Never losing light.
Never fading black or white.

Creatures so majestic
Fragile and domestic
All shapes and hues
Eyes can’t refuse

Listing every aspect
Would take far to much time
Just picture with your imagination
A world with no crime

Is it crazy to believe
Another realm we could achieve
Another sunrise, another day
Another planet, another way.

This is for a school project please review!!!!!!! :) 

Message to Readers

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Peer Review

I love the repetition of the first stanza again at the end! I've always found it a wonderful way to draw attention to patters or get a reader to reflect and it really brings your poem to an interesting stop.


I feel like the narrator's idealism about another world that could exist could be pushed further from realism and closer to wonder, which is where a lot of the Ideal and Existentialism often is in the mind.


Reviewer Comments

I think the whole thing is wonderful. The way that it's specific and vague at the same time allows a reader to really understand the narrator as they see what they think is the wondrous. The shortness of the lines makes it seem so simple while still being able to smoothly convey a complex idea.