Peer Review by weirdo (United States)

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Existential - Please Review

By: SparklingEmbers


FREE WRITING

Is it crazy to believe
Another realm, we could achieve.
Another sunrise, another day,
Another planet, another way.

Is it crazy to believe
We could run from fear.
We could start a dynasty,
A new society.

Is it crazy to believe
There are many more
There is no outbreak of war.
There is a free world-
A door.

A door that holds color
Shapes and sizes
Many prizes.
A sun that streams golden
Never hidden by clouds of doubt
A world full of embolden-
Ment.

Seas, lakes and rivers
A world consisting of givers
Grass so green
You never have seen.

Flowers of bright
Pink yellow purple
Blue red, orange
Petals never melting
Never losing light.
Never fading black or white.

Creatures so majestic
Fragile and domestic
All shapes and hues
Eyes can’t refuse

Listing every aspect
Would take far to much time
Just picture with your imagination
A world with no crime

Is it crazy to believe
Another realm we could achieve
Another sunrise, another day
Another planet, another way.

This is for a school project please review!!!!!!! :) 

Message to Readers

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Peer Review

I really like the concept! Humans always seem to think that we are superior and the only important creatures in the Universe. You really challenged that idea!


Your puntcuation is iffy at parts, making it hard for the reader to read. I suggest some specific places that you can change it Also, I was wondering if you may be able to expand? Maybe focus in on the other creatures more. Of course, I'm not sure if you have a word limit or not so, if there is, ignore what I just said


Reviewer Comments

Overall, nice job!