Peer Review by Hanan Adi (Germany)

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Black Hole (haiku)

By: BrokenSmile


FREE WRITING

Standing here empty,
Dark black hole, no emotion.
Can someone help me?


Peer Review

The form of the haiku in the first place is a challenging one. The sparsity of the words means that each and every one must be carefully chosen. Here, I felt the word choice fit the subject of the poem as well as the form of the haiku very well. The writer utilizes the plainest and most commonplace phrases to emphasize the sheer emptiness of the place s/he is in, which technique I found far more effective than had the writer used more dramatic words. I have highlighted three examples of this. In short, the word choice is exceptional: the very colourlessness of the words perfectly depicts the absolute bleakness of the "black hole" in which the writer finds her/himself.


I wonder what the writer has gone through to experience such emptiness and detachment from the world. At the same time, I feel that I can relate exactly from many of my own experiences to what the writer conveys in this piece, and thus, anything that is left unsaid is already understood.


Reviewer Comments

This is such a deep state of heart and mind that you convey so aptly. I mean to be the complete opposite of condescending when I say the skill you display in this single piece is rare for your age. I confess to having a difficult time finding words of my own worthy of appearing next to yours. Thank you very much for sharing. It was a pleasure to read and to review.

As a last note: if you ever feel you need to talk about something, just drop a comment on one of my pieces. Write on and take care.