Peer Review by bride124 (United States)

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angels just remind us mortals we never get a chance to fly #Sweetlybitter

By: Dmoral13


FREE WRITING

Gold leaked from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks in perfect little droplets I had to fight the urge to touch them. Her sobs were quiet and sounded like a song as she wept, and my ears hurt from the too sweet melody.
She stood with her wings were wrapped around her body. They were pure white, feathery wings, so large that each one was the size of her body. Her halo that shined above her started to flicker as if the shine of it was dimming-and if you looked close enough you could see the cracks begin to form.
Anger and irritation flared up inside me, and it took all my strength to restrain myself-one more thing and I was sure to blow. Slowly, I practice the breaths my Mom taught me when I was little before going on. Once I was I finished, I noticed the music had stopped.
“At last, you’re done crying?” I ask.
“I have no more left inside of me,” She said weakly, showing me her empty hands. “You have taken it all out of me.”
“Do not-” I began raising my voice. Quickly composed myself before continuing in a quieter tone. “This is not my fault, the blame must go to your faults.”
“I am to have no faults,” The girl murmured softly, staring at her wings as if they held the answer. “An Angel is perfect, a creation with virtue, a messenger for the entitled. There’s no way one should hold such faults?”
Her statement came out more like a question, and I couldn’t help but chuckle as I listen to her speak. Her once self-assured, confident voice now broke with hesitation and filled with doubt.
For a second I allowed myself to ignore her words after that, as my eyes surveyed her body. She wore no shoes, leaving her feet caked with mud. Her once flawless figure seemed skinnier than normal, leaving her body fragile and breakable. She trembled in a manner that hinted she was cold, and the goosebumps that covered her body supported my claim. As she stretched her wings, I noticed she wore but a simple white dress with straps, and stopped at her knees. Yet the dress only caught my attention because of the condition it was in: dirty and layered with dirt, blood seeming to be at the ends, and cuts, holes, and ragged edges now decorated the dress.
“Stop,” I say, cutting her off. Her words were being to form, into a piece that could shape your mind into believing what she all she said.
“You are no angel from heaven-at least not anymore. You’re morals are gone and your heart has weakened. Everything that you once were is nothing but a faded memory no one can recall.”
“How can such a thing be true?”
Shaking my head at her ignorance, I circled through my breaths again before answering. And it wasn’t until she said my name did I respond.
“Ariel,” I sigh, eyes holding her’s. “Your kind looks down on us humans-and don’t deny it because I know you do. Even though you’re meant to help and guide, you still know we’ll never measure up. Never be equal. And it’s that thought in the center of all your hearts that bothers me. That drives me to do the things I do.”
“What kinds of things do you speak of?” She questioned, her pure eyes gazing into mine.
“Do you not remember what I did to you?” I ask, then before she can say anything, I answer the question for her. “I broke your heart in two. Crushed all that you thought you knew. Changed the way you looked and acted, and all through yourself and you had no clue.”
Ariel dropped to her knees, clasped her hands, and muttered a string of phrases. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, her language to foreign for my ears, but it sounded like a beg or pray, perhaps one that held fear. Her wings are spread out, and her halo still floats, but something felt wrong. Something felt off.
Her voice no longer carried song, her tears no longer leaked gold, her dress changed colored, her wings grew brighter, her halo got dimmer.
That’s when I was suddenly blinded by a flash.
Next thing I knew, she was gone. Replaced by a hag trying to sing a song. The woman before me had long, black hair braided to the side. She wore an ash colored dress, that was shredded at the bottom, the ends dipped in what seemed like blood. Her halo was broken in half, only intact because it was melted backed together. Yet it didn’t float, just rested like a crown on her head. And her wings had black feathers. But the worst part about her, was her voice. It sounded like the sobs of dying children, screams of a war, and the screech of a crow. Everything about the sound she created was poisonous.
It seemed like the world had at last saw angels they way they were meant to be seen


Message to Readers

Yes, I see now my few grammatical errors


Peer Review

The title is incredible. This seems like a statement has once said or thought of in the back of their mind. I have always wanted to fly. Have you?


What happened to Ariel? What is the hag's name? (This seems a bit irrelevant, but just wondering) Is there a sequel?


Reviewer Comments

You have a lot of talent. Despite all of my minor critiques, since you asked. I am going to tell you why everybody like this piece.

With a great display of setting and characteristics of the protagonist, the visual and sensory details are outstanding with great character development in such a short time. Although the timeline may not be super long, you gave us readers a remarkable plot that we will never forget.

Keep on writing!