(un)forgiveness

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

all you’ve ever done is doubt me
repeatedly, repeatedly,
as predictable as the tide rolling in
am i supposed to believe you? your sad,
overused lies echo in my head,
so predictable i could lipsync to your falsehoods

was i supposed to ignore
all you’ve done for me? the
shattering, brokenness
replays in my head,
a sad playlist stuck on loop

maybe the only thing you ever did
was show me that sensitivity wasn’t all
that the picture books made it out to be, wasn’t all
that the movies showed, wasn’t all
that the happily-ever-after fairy tales told me.

and you come to me again, begging my forgiveness
as soon as you need it, as soon as you can use me,
how many lies have you told me? have you rejoiced in?
no, kneel there, become another myth-
one that lied, cried, turned to stone,
one that deserved what came to them.

Peer Review

What impression does this poem make on you, as a whole? What feeling are you left with at the end?

This whole poem exudes a deep feeling of anger and vindictiveness, which both work so well in conveying the strength and intensity in the voice of the speaker. After reading, I am left stunned and in awe at the speaker's piercing, commanding power.

Are there other ways the poet could use language to help you see or understand something in a new way? (Sensory detail? Metaphor or simile? Unfamiliar phrasing?)

I think you already gave interesting, sharp lines that effectively allow readers to understand and feel the emotion of the speaker. I also love how the speaker's intense emotion is juxtaposed with the lower-case formatting of the poem, a very smart way to focus all the attention of the readers to what the emotion that the poem is communicating.

What’s your favorite line? Why?

The line "so predictable i could lipsync to your falsehoods" strongly conveys the speaker's disdain and familiarity with the falsehoods of the person she/he is talking to.

What words of encouragement do you have for this writer as they continue drafting their poem?

All in all, this poem is on point. It is a stunning monologue presented in a strong, commanding voice that effectively conveys the speaker's emotions.

Reviewer Comments

I am looking forward to reading your other works! Good luck in the competition!