I don’t when it happened.
Maybe it was when I saw you truly smile
After hiding it for so long
I can’t tell you when it happened.
It was probably when I heard your genuine laugh for the first time,
But I could be mistaken.
I’m not really sure but
It might’ve been when I saw the first tear roll down your pretty face,
But even then, I could be wrong
Thinking back on it,
It could’ve been when I saw your heart break for the first time
When that stupid boy didn’t text you back.
I don’t know the exact date when
But there’s a possibility it was when you hurt yourself for the first time
When you fell but couldn’t get back up
I know for sure that my heart broke for you when
You beat yourself down for something that wasn’t even your fault
It was the other person not you, but guilt stung you like a wound and salt
I cried for you when that person you thought would always be there for you
Found someone new
I know that it sliced you to your core
I remember feeling that rush of excitement
When you did something, you had never done before
The look of exhilaration on your face was something I had never seen before
I remember looking on with jealousy
When I saw you had found a role model that was someone other than me
You didn’t want to be me anymore, and that made me land on my knees
I vividly remember the feeling of frustration I had for you
As I watched life you beat you down until all that was left was your core
But nevertheless, you got back up again with a ferocity I had never seen before
I don’t know when it happened.
I guess it’s my fault for not realizing it sooner
Because I don’t remember the first time I said,
“Self, I love you,”
And actually meant it and didn’t want to drop dead.