Peer Review by Aarushikrishnan (United States)

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Life As I Know It

By: Taja Smith


Messed up town,
Danger never around.
Public school?
No, homeschool's cool.
World famous ancestors?
No, just mediocres.
A wanna-be star
when your chances are behind the bar.
Raised with the greats
but put with the lates.
Opportunity?
No. Flopportunity.
Am I taking a chance
to get brought upon a first glance?
Am I taking a stance
to try and keep my balance?
Am I what I want to be?
Do I execute my life properly?
I accept when I'm known as a trier.
I despise when I'm put any higher.
I ask if I'm true to myself in the mirror
but I don't know life as I know it either.
 


Peer Review

This is a very smoothly written poem indeed! The shortness of the lines really makes the flow shine, and your rhyming scheme is excellent. The ending leaves me in a strange state of mind- the message of the poem is a desolate one, of course, but I also feel a stage of admiration for your writing skill!


As beautiful as your poem is, it lacks the 'one of five' rule- poetry really shines when at least one of the five senses is invoked. Perhaps bring in another couplet of the sound of bullets (in relation with the 'danger' of your first few lines) or the shine of lights (in relation to 'the greats')


"Am I taking a chance
to get brought upon a first glance?"

The double meaning of the lines and the message behind them really gets to me, I think it's simply beautiful!


This is such a lovely piece of work! It has real potential and I truly think the meaning is brought out brilliantly. Great job!


Reviewer Comments

With the few minor changes I suggested, and a final review, I think you'll have an extraordinary poem on your hands! Keep up the amazing work!