Peer Review by janice (United States)

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never ending

By: singaporeandreamer


she pounds her feet along the mud road,
finds it harder 
and 
harder 
to 
breathe

legs feel ticklish as she sprints along an infinite track, seeking in vain for 
the end.

a light breeze picks up, grows into a 
GALE, 
a drizzle turns into a downpour, and she shivers, seeking in vain for the end.

vines creep up and up her legs, tangle around her body, thorns cut into her wrists. she sobs. 
seeking in vain for the end.



footsteps tap along her. 
she looks up, and 
an umbrella shields her battered body.

hands wipe and bandage her cut wrists, 
and lips press a kiss on her forehead.
shears cut her loose


and now she’s free. 

 


Peer Review

This piece left me gaping at my screen, wondering why I haven't read it yet. The metaphors and word choice are absolutely amazing, as well as the writing itself. This is, no doubt, one of the best pieces I've read on this site. I'm so glad that I found it :)


I don't think so. This piece is already so amazing and beautiful that I don't think it could get much better. Maybe some details about the character would be nice, but they're not necessary at all.


"...seeking in vain for the end." This part is amazingly and accurately portrayed, and how it's repeated in the piece gives it a nice sense of familiarity.


Maybe extending it a little would be nice, but that's entirely up to you. Also, in the beginning of the piece, the words are each given a line, while in the middle it doesn't happen again. I would try keeping that consistent to allow for better flow.


Reviewer Comments

I relate to this poem so well. I said it above, but this is definitely one of the best pieces I've read here. Please keep writing :)