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heart terror

April 8, 2019

the world draws its first breath
before you are born,
but you come before the world, because
maybe maybe maybe,
the world needs you too.
and maybe i’m wrong,
because sometimes
i forget to breathe and no,
it doesn’t hurt,
i think it’s just another word for love.

how long have i loved you?
(before the world has drawn its first breath,
before the sun has climbed over the glistening mountain’s snow-encrusted peak,
before the sea has spilled the deep blues and coral foam,
before the earth has been dampened by our footsteps.) maybe i’m just in love
when i forget to breathe,
like how your heart skips a beat.

i’ve never known anything like this
even though i live,
i know what it feels to have
sunlight on my skin
and dirt between my fingers
and tears upon my cheek,
but i don’t know how to breathe
when i’m with you, i guess.
call that love, the lack of breath.

but the world draws its final breath
when you are gone.
(maybe maybe maybe)
my heart
does not skip a beat at all,
but stops altogether.
silence, that’s what it means without
rhythm in life.
it does not feel like death, though.
death does not feel as scary as this,
than you drawing your final breath.
(no maybe’s)
your heart
didn’t skip a beat this time,
but stopped altogether.

(is there a word to describe
how silent the silence of the world is?)
you left the earth empty of warmth,
seas drowned in salt,
the sun hidden behind the grey
and the darkness of the world
inside of me.
i had never known something like this:
a sadness so sad that love bleeds it, too.
a sadness so sad that i breed it, too.

a world where the final breath has been drawn
is a world without you.
but maybe maybe maybe,
if you don’t take this too seriously,
this is a love letter.
(maybe maybe maybe)
i wished i was your world
as much as you are my breath,
as my final breath wasn’t drawn long after yours,
for what a world it would be if it wasn’t?
essentially another round of word vomit


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  • April 8, 2019 - 8:27pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Calling4Rain

    Wow! This is impressively beautiful. Wonderful poem!

    over 1 year ago