Peer Review by Quille (United States)

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Everyday Drowning

By: AtLeilaWriter


The sand beneath my toes pulls me closer to earth
She holds me tight against the waves the roll over my body
My head meets the surface and air rushes to replace water
My thoughts are cloudy like the gray, directionless sky
Cold water lapping in time with my strangled breaths
Drowned by the sounds of children swimming in low tide
Maybe if I hold on someone will come for me
I go down again, confusion and panic not showing in my eyes
which are shut tightly in effort to fight off hopelessness
My mind slows down as I stop fighting against the tide
I surrender to the water who decides to keep me captive
I'm drowning.


The voice of my teacher pulls me back to reality
She questions whether or not I understood what she has been saying
My head nods slowly as I rack my brain for an answer
My thoughts are blank like the paper in front of me
The hum of the ac guides my steady breaths
Which give tempo to the scat rhythm of pencils writing
Maybe if I keep trying it will come to me
I look down again, embarrassment and fatigue hardly showing in my eyes
downcast in effort to hide my feelings of hopelessness
My mind wanders again as I stop struggling to maintain focus
I surrender to the endless thoughts that rack my mind
I'm drowning.


Message to Readers

My WtW Poetry Comp submission! Looking for peer reviews.


Peer Review

This is a highly relatable poem to me and I'm left with the feeling I've had many times of drowning, through my daydreams :)


Maybe you could add another stanza about what happens after the second? It's perfectly fine without it, but I would really love for this poem to be longer. The details are exquisite.


#5: "Cold water lapping in time with my strangled breaths " This is easy to envision, creatively descriptive, and pulls me into the scene probably more than any of the other lines.


*high five* I was a little skeptical when I saw the title because of how many poems I've seen about drowning, but this just totally blew me away. Keep writing; you have some amazing talent :DDD


Reviewer Comments

Good luck in the contest! :D