Peer Review by black_and_red_ink (Canada)

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The Garden Without You

By: RavensInkWrites


FREE WRITING

there were flowers in the garden once
roses bloomed
daffodils swayed
vines stretched
i used to walk the path everyday

but there was so much sun
not enough rain
not enough love
everyday i waited
but you never walked the path with me

the flowers grew dry and dead
the orchid petals curled in
the daisy stems grew stiff
the leaves stopped growing
still, i waited

then the rain came all at once
it drowned the poor flowers
each and every last petal fell off
they sank to the bottom of the puddles
that was when i stopped walking the path

there were flowers in the garden once
bright, colorful, happy flowers
i walked the path everyday to enjoy it
i wanted you to come
but i always walked alone

dont you wish you saw those flowers?


Peer Review

This piece took place in a very happy setting (a garden) yet the tone of the peice was sad. This made it a delightfully unique writing style. I loved the descriptions of the flowers when they were alive as well as when they were wilting and finally died. You had some great symbolism and vivid descriptions here.


If you want, you can add some lines that would make this poem more specific. I wonder why the speaker of the poem is waiting in the garden. You could perhaps add a hint for what the reason is. I interpreted it to be someone who is mourning the death of a loved one and can't get over it. They are in denial about the death and think that the loved one can return. The imagery of the dying flowers kind of relates to my interpretation. But there are many other intepretations. Like perhaps the person who the speaker is waiting for is someone who they love romantically who they broke up with. Or a friend who they were close to who betrayed them. If you like keeping your poems open-ended, then I don't think there's anything you need to add. But if you want the reader to get at a specific interpretation, you can make it more specific.


Reviewer Comments

This was a breathtaking poem. I enjoyed this from start to finish. The message was lovely. I also really like the title. I feel like it suits this piece perfectly. Keep writing. I gave you a follow as I really enjoyed this piece as well some of your short poems.