Peer Review by bride124 (United States)

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Chapter One: 3...2...1

By: pencils.and.paper.roses


FREE WRITING

12 MONTHS BEFORE

“3...2...1...Happy New Year!” 

The crowd cheered, and the ball dropped. No one knew why it gave the world such a thrill to watch. 

But it it was especially thrilling for Janae, 10-year old Janae who had never seen a New Year’s without being surrounded by darkness before. 

And it was she who would remember it the best. 

10 MONTHS BEFORE

“3...2...1...and time.”

Back in the darkness again, Janae was. Not allowed in the light for an indeterminate amount of time. A single tear rolled down her face as the light under the bottom of the door went out, leaving her to reacquaint her eyes with the dark. 

She recalled the ball drop of two months ago on New Year’s and willed herself to forget it. It was something she was sure she would never again experience.

8 MONTHS BEFORE

“3...2...1...”

She counted down the seconds before she could see the light again. Her hand rested eagerly on the doorknob. But just as the time ended, a voice sounded on the other side. She was not to enter the light that day, and possibly not for a much longer time. 

Janae sighed, all her tears used up. How much longer would it be?

6 MONTHS BEFORE

“...2...1...”

Oh, the light! Janae was back in the light fir the first time in months, and it was absolutely wonderful. Her head ached a bit though. 

Where was she this time? Plain white walls, a simple bed with only one blanket, blinking machines. She ran her hand along one of them. Its exterior was smooth. 

4 MONTHS BEFORE 

“...1...”
Worry...she could sense worry outside the door of her little room. The last time Janae had been in the light she’d had a headache, and it seemed to have persisted.  

What was going on outside? She wished to see light again, if only for a minute, if only to find out what was happening.

2 MONTHS BEFORE 

 Janae had no energy, none whatsoever. She could barely sit up. She leaned back, hoping to regain some of it and maybe close her eyes (not that it did any good, considering her surroundings). 

Her head still ached awfully. 

ON THE DAY OF

There were so many voices now, all of them outside her door. She felt that she would never know. Weakly she stood up and forced the door. 

There me in front of her were five people, five people of various ages. All of them were crying. 


Message to Readers

This took WAY too long to write out XD I guess that’s what I get for doing it on a phone, huh? Moral of the story is always be absolutely sure to save it before leaving the tab. *facepalm* XD

Anyway, what do you think? Does it seem boring? Confusing? Can you get an idea of what’s happening?

Enjoy! :)


Peer Review

WOW! The countdown-title was really inviting: "3...2...1" leads me on with the actual countdown of months synthesizes the character traits of Janae.


Is Chapter 2 up on your feed? How did you come up with the inspiration of Janae?


Reviewer Comments

Janae is a lovely character, in a lovely piece. Keep on writing!