Peer Review by Quille (United States of America)()

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scream

By: RNE


FREE WRITING

no one can hear you scream underwater
said the water nymph
her light blue eyes dancing in the night
as she yanked me by my jet black hair
to the bottom of the sea

no one can hear you scream down there
shouted the lord of lyonnesse
his pale skin seemed to emit light
his clothes scratched and torn from when i put up a fight
as he shovels the dirt into my grave

no one can hear you scream up there
hollered the gods of olympus
their anger almost as sharp as the weapons they carried
as they rode away on their chariots that twinkled like the myriad stars in the night sky
leaving me alone on ogygia

so i swam up while the currents pushed me down longing for my bitter comfort
dug my way out while my nails cracked open and blood seeped through my sleeves
and jumped off a floating island while the gods laughed at me falling to my demise
but still, no one hears me scream


Peer Review

I loved the aspect of Greek mythology & the fiery emotion of the main character a ton. Vocabulary is excellent and the words well-placed :) Your descriptions are also awesome, very vivid and easy to picture :DD There seems to be a metaphor hidden in all of this too, and I love that :DD


Why was everybody trying to kill/destroy the character???? What did they do to deserve all that??????


Reviewer Comments

Here's your first review; the others are on the way! :DD This piece is super awesome and I really love it!! :DDD Keep writing!!!!!!!!!