Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Wow, it was like a literal Poetry SLAM. The structure was so consistent and the rhymes were too, it took me by surprise how unforgiving this piece was. I felt so... it's hard to explain. Proud for these people who still find a way to live - hurt for these people who have to live this way - and shame, because I'm ashamed to be so culturally undeveloped when my brothers and sisters are hurting.
The beat was compromised of layers of well-thought out verses that made sure to capture an aspect of the persons life with each line. Take the eighth verse, for instance - this is about public humiliation that shouldn't be there at all and only is because of a group of hateful people, expressing this chapter in a colored person's life, while the ninth verse switches to a different perspective and group of people entirely who just don't know or aren't interested enough to learn what is going on. The writer flows so well that I could feel a sort of beat, a melody within the piece itself, and this is hard to accomplish. Well done.
This is a super hard choice. There are so many lines in here it is hard to pick a favorite. How do you pick a favorite? I like the last two lines and then the "Foreign? They don't know what was stolen/your innocence, your life, that age was just golden", and then 'Do they know what it's like to be in the midst of gunshots?'
You have awesome lines in here. Please don't change them unless you have to.
This is a really good piece. It's inspiring and really just wakes people up to what it going on around them. One thing that confused me was the historical period that we are in during this, however. While I think this poem is meant to be about what lower class colored people face in the present, with the gang reference and the glocks and American Dream, but when you say lashes, and satin blouses for some reason that made me think of earlier periods like when the South had slaves or when you say 'five feet apart', segregation. I think all you need to do to further this piece is just clear that up, if you can. Other than that, this is a winner.
This piece is rocking. You deserve to win because there is not only an undeniable beat and consistency of word choice and flow, but an important message, a breather that we as a nation are not done yet.