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the little girl with wings

Message from Writer

aspiring writer <3

Music's Too Sad Without You

April 15, 2019

 You can be the queen of your own world
(If you close your eyes hard enough.)
 If you picture the cogs of time resetting, you may be transported.
 We’ve both been here before –on the tip of my tongue lies the villa
 L’cafard does not matter.

I am not allowed to ache for things I cannot miss, but I do anyways
I am allowed to mourn you in my own right.
To picture at once, a fluorescent night,
Hot with the sound of your voice.

Please don’t let it rain, I’ll be so, so cold.
So, so sad. Curled into myself, weeping desperately
I am not sure if it was for you, Paula, or myself. 

When all the action of the day has died down, I’m left in an unfurnished world
 With a broken heart
I have nothing to come back to.

These past few days have hit me harder than anything else ever has
Regarding ache as the main course
“All is fair in love and divorce.” 

Put Ozaria on the backburner for just a second, just a moment
Think of a high-rise party on a beachside resort.
There he stands
All beauty, no remorse.

I am Lola now!

She is an amalgamation of all I have ever wanted
Lola is not shy, but she is not cheap
My real body is dead in the street.

Sweet willow, they whisper carefully to one another between glass
Michael and Lola - enola gay. So in love. 

Lola's heart is thumping out her chest, the blackness is trying to bust in
If the body in the gutter could just keep her eyes closed longer… 

If the crows dissipate, she can see the sides of his elegant face
Standing at five foot ten and a few odd inches is the man.

The happy club is irrelevant here,
The clovers are already torn from the dirt and flushed
 Only the starfish are left to slink. 

 Lola wears platforms to flatter her legs, but she’s a tall girl regardless
 Here they meet eye to eye. 
 It’s as if no other humans have ever been born 
 The chattering party around them stills to a form of shattered glass, life and limb fading fast.

“Let’s go to the balcony,” says Michael, out of the blue
Dolphins have come that way before, shocked to evolve
Shocked to see one of their kind again
Cause he's a Byronesque God, and his soul's as old as the ocean.

 Lola is staring now, her martini glass shattered on the floor. 
“I would like that very much,” she says.

Hand in hand they step past all the cockroaches
Our girl and her private man. 

I’ve wanted this so desperately, you just wouldn’t understand. 

He was the only person there worth more than skin and bones
The only person there with a vibrant soul.
 Come on baby, kiss, kiss, kiss, dost he whisper
Dost he hiss.

Warm hand slinking around the small of Lola’s back,
She is smiling so big her teeth could crack. 

Each step she takes is careful, his are languid.
True Lola is now blue Lola, under a different name and world.

I'm smothered and dead, leaving a fantasy to play in my head.
Don't sell skin online! Don't lose friends over word-fights.  
It's so easy to retreat into myself when it all goes astray
If guaranteed a tonic to take all the hurt away...

Michael and Lola's conversation is peaceful and happy,
 Dirt turns to stones for just one night
Brown eyes are blue tonight.  
She's everything I'm not
Everything I wish I could be.

If only this body could last a lifetime, in both regards
If he was immortal and she could sing her song
 Kept in this simulation
 It would be enough to go on. 

 Lola has done everything right!
 A white beam-light through my glazed-over eyes.

And the stars, they shine tonight.
The bedroom's painted red
 Tinkling roaring guitar overhead, the static crows of beyond are gone.

 No one else is in this house, or so it feels to Lola
 She feels so much she could ignite a dead girl. 
 Oh, it'll never rain again! I am sure there is no one else (a point later proven.) 

Inside Lola, beside Lola
The rings on his fingers and his handsome face
Between the two of them–so much long brown hair all over the place. 

This body is a rental, this mind has gone mental
 Jumping off buildings to get my high. 

If he called her beautiful she would die.
If he was interested in her mind she'd die
She'd truly explode on the spot.
Combust with sheer want
If only I wasn't still mourning.  

A lot of verbal ambrosia from Michael to Lola
And vice versa -
"You're beautiful", "you're gorgeous" 
 Touch me here and there,    
Tangle my hands in your hair. 

I'm spaced out all day, crying and shrinking
 Cause I can't get past that want
Cause music's too sad without you. 
I am hardly the fierce queen of earlier, 
Time's forgotten Lola and Michael both. 

I stand still in the middle of the road Or So It Feels
I am stagnant and the world always moves.

But fossils will come up eventually,
And if only there was a way - a man-made lake - getting Lola to the Taj Mahal. 
Oh gorgeous, I'm coming on the nearest flight. 
This is a revised poem I wrote, for the poetry and spoken word competition. I think it sums up "my world" pretty well. I apologise for being offline, I've been struggling with mental health issues and am on a bit of a leave! However I really wanted to see what was happenin' for the contest=)

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