Peer Review by Mae! (United States)

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The Forest Scholar

By: Ryder

A man
In the forest dwells
Fills paper
Empties ink wells

A lady
Whose life was ill-fated
He writes of her
His life dedicated

When he was young
Twenty summers or less
He met a farmer's daughter
She wore a red dress

She was the fairest
He had ever seen
Wanted her
To be his queen

Another also
Wanted her
A wealthy lord
From ancient Ur 

Promised her gold
Diamonds and silk
He wanted the maiden
With skin like milk

But she refused him
And all his riches
She loved the scholar;
Divine kisses

The lord swore
If she wouldn’t be his
No one would have her
And still have bliss

The scholar took her
To his home
Gave her a rose
And a diamond comb

But on the night
Before they wed
The jealous lord
Took off her head

Pure white gown
Ruby red
Fairest maiden
Now dead

The scholar
Heart-broken and forlorn
Went into the forest
To spend his life alone

But he keeps her alive
In his bitter-sweet words
He will never be alone
Even though they took different roads

Peer Review

This poem went from a cheesy forest love story to a sad metaphor for love and life really fast! I felt nostalgic, slightly sad but also happy since the man was able to find a release through words.

The poet uses rhymes to lighten up the poem, but they also have an opposite affect that makes the story even more deep, since at first it seems light and happy but soon the rhymes turn dark.

"He wanted the maiden/ With skin like milk." This is my FAVORITE- it just sounds so smooth, and I love the imagery but also the combination of touch and looks.

I think you should definitely keep working at this one- it has a lot of promise, and I think by enriching the details and adding some more metaphors/similes, you can turn a story into a beautifully woven tale.

Reviewer Comments

GREAT job! This was fun to read, and definitely evolved to be way deeper and thought-provoking than I had imagined.