Peer Review by Daisy (United States)

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The Forest Scholar

By: Ryder

A man
In the forest dwells
Fills paper
Empties ink wells

A lady
Whose life was ill-fated
He writes of her
His life dedicated

When he was young
Twenty summers or less
He met a farmer's daughter
She wore a red dress

She was the fairest
He had ever seen
Wanted her
To be his queen

Another also
Wanted her
A wealthy lord
From ancient Ur 

Promised her gold
Diamonds and silk
He wanted the maiden
With skin like milk

But she refused him
And all his riches
She loved the scholar;
Divine kisses

The lord swore
If she wouldn’t be his
No one would have her
And still have bliss

The scholar took her
To his home
Gave her a rose
And a diamond comb

But on the night
Before they wed
The jealous lord
Took off her head

Pure white gown
Ruby red
Fairest maiden
Now dead

The scholar
Heart-broken and forlorn
Went into the forest
To spend his life alone

But he keeps her alive
In his bitter-sweet words
He will never be alone
Even though they took different roads

Peer Review

It made me long for what might have been. It was so sweet and sad. What if things had been different? What if my life were different?

I would like to feel more of his love for her. That part of the poem feels a little dispassionate. If he loved her, make the reader feel that love!

My favorite is probably the last two lines. Just a really sweet reminder that death doesn't mean they are gone.

This is a great idea! I love how sweet and simple it was. You really struck the core of the message you were trying to get across and didn't dress it up in too many fancy words!

Reviewer Comments

I would like it if it were a little longer. Maybe a stanza about courting her, one about finding her dead, something along those lines.