Peer Review by ashleykirantan (Singapore)()

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Damnation

By: Breanna Jury


“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
Yes
I raged and burned as bright as the sun.
I reached for stars and solar systems and galaxies to slow my plummet
decaying feathers slipped past me into the abyss


as I fell
                and fell
                                and fell.
 
Is this pain? This searing ache across my skin?
I don’t like it. I want to go back.
my soul shreds and my wings burst into impossible flames as I fall
to your cold earth.
… why are my hands shaking?
-I want to go home.


Peer Review

You did a great job at highlighting the angel's feelings of pain and sorrow, which I was able to empathise with. The final line of the poem also highlights the intensity of the angel's distress and anguish—the desire to return to the comforts of home (wherever/whatever it may be), yet understanding that this is not a possibility, is a real problem that many—not just immortal creatures—face.


Given that the angel "reached for stars and solar systems and galaxies to slow [its] plummet", I'd love to find out what your idea of heaven is like, and whether an image of heaven could be included in the poem.


My favourite line was probably: "my soul shreds and my wings burst into impossible flames as I fall / to your cold earth". Not only was the imagery used here fantastic, but the juxtaposition between the heat that "flames" connotes and the "cold[ness]" of the earth was also pretty well thought-out!


The consistency of the ideas (damnation, fallen angel) was observed throughout the poem, and definitely deserves commendation!


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a great piece that portrayed the pain of being exiled from a place of perceived perfection/paradise extremely well. However, I'd also love to find out why exactly the angel was expelled from heaven, just for additional context (if you're willing to provide it, of course). As always, keep striving and happy writing!