Peer Review by Bhakti Chokshi (India)()

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Damnation

By: Breanna Jury


“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Yes
I raged and burned as bright as the sun.
I reached for stars and solar systems and galaxies to slow my fall
decaying feathers slipped past me into the abyss
as I fell
                and fell
                                and fell.
Is this pain? This burning ache across my skin?
I don’t like it. I want to go back.
my skin burns and my wings burst into impossible flames as I fall
to your cold earth.
… why are my hands shaking?

- I want to go home.


Peer Review

The poem kind of plays with my concept of 'home'. To me this poem relates to my nature of never fitting in any situation, any group or just this place.


I feel like the starting line kind of caught me off. It could be replaced with something more relevant. And the way you have described pain is really beautiful, but it would help a lot if you could add in a few lines and be descriptive.


"I want to go home." Personally, this line holds a lot of different meanings and I can sense a feeling of detachment in this line. I feel like the poet is actually describing how this doesn't feel like home. Home is kind of a feeling, it's about people, its about emotions and atmosphere. Its not just about a certain place. And I love how the poet says that he/she wants to go home - which I suppose that person hasn't even felt but something tell her/him that it is definitely better than this.


The concept of this is amazing and I feel like a lot of people will connect to this. I really love how you have managed to take a common line's meaning to a whole different dimension and yet somehow not scripted a poem that's very hard to understand.


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