Peer Review by thechosenonemico (Philippines)()

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Damnation

By: Breanna Jury


“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Yes
I raged and burned as bright as the sun.
I reached for stars and solar systems and galaxies to slow my fall
decaying feathers slipped past me into the abyss
as I fell
                and fell
                                and fell.
Is this pain? This burning ache across my skin?
I don’t like it. I want to go back.
my skin burns and my wings burst into impossible flames as I fall
to your cold earth.
… why are my hands shaking?

- I want to go home.


Peer Review

I was utterly intrigued. The last line "I want to go home" left me wanting to know more of the speaker's story.


If you could add more vividness to your lines, interweave the physical aspect of falling from heaven with the emotional, and attach evocative bits of the speaker's "home", you could elevate your poem and make readers understand better and resonate with the story you're telling.


The last line's stunning and powerful. It has this sense of longing and poignancy that's equally enthralling and intriguing.


You have a great concept and I would love to see your poem flourish! You could also read other poems that bear similar idea and feeling. (I suggest this one https://allpoetry.com/poem/12515464-Wronged-by-Bosiar),


Reviewer Comments

Good luck with the contest! I hope this peer review helps you!