Peer Review by lizbadiz (United States)

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By: Fiona Jane


The year was 1929, and the full moon was shining silver over all of London. A man stood outside of Leadenhall Market and turned his coat collar up to the freezing wind, eyes narrowed against the blazing car and city lights that seared into his vision, and scanned the sidewalks for any sign of the woman he was supposed to meet. With one gloved finger he pulled up his left sleeve and checked his watch for the fourth time in twenty minutes, thinking grumpily about how things would have gone if he had been dating the women back in Russia. The men and the women had a balance; they understood each other’s place. He had offered to pick her up, as he believed men should; but she was a modern American woman. Nothing to be done.
After another ten minutes of receiving suspicious looks from the occasional passersby, he was feeling just about ready to leave, but-
“Adrian?” said a soft voice, just feet away.
He closed his eyes, letting foggy breath through his lips.
About time.
He turned to greet her with the rose in his pocket, but he found himself unable to speak, for the woman in question who had met his gaze was unfathomably beautiful. He saw her clearly in the moonlight: she smiled up at him with soft red lips; her delight evident on everything from her straight nose to her rosy cheeks and glittering, deep blue eyes, so very much like sapphires. Her whole face seemed alive and awake; a jewelled blue cloche hat was perched upon the mass of golden locks that curled up to caress her jawline. It took him a moment to realize that she was speaking to him.

I'd like feedback on it. This is just a snippet of a book I am writing, and I want to know what I should improve. I'm also not sure of where I should indent, so if you know more about that, help would be greatly appreciated.

Message to Readers

Help with indentations and general structure of writing.

Peer Review

I loved the description of the woman at the end.

I'm excited to see the rest of the story! Please keep writing.

No additional comments.