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Message to Readers
I've been struggling with chronic illness for almost three years now, and I'm pretty sick of writing about it, but this poem sort of crept up on me spontaneously and wanted to be written, so I humored it. I hope you'll do the same for me.
I feel charged up like a berserker before a battle
I think you have done justice to the poem on the front of language, but I would like to see more of your illustration of the battlefield, even though this poem main focus was your struggle
The void is dark, but dark does not describe
the weight or feel
the inky air that steals my breath to turn me into nothing.
These lines I like the most, as I myself have pondered upon nothing and it seems to me you have done a great work separating nothing from void and darkness which are sometimes termed as nothing but nothing is much more than that and you told it just on the mark.
Your poem already seems to be well drafted but I think you can make it better by working on the first paragraph
I love the topic you have chosen and the way you tell about your war against your disease. But most I loved was the illustration of how chronic illness affects one's mind more than one's body. I too have written a writeup on the feeling of nothingness 'Circus of reality'. Will love to hear your thoughts on it.