Vin

United States of America

"The normal human consciousness is not equipped to deal with the pillars and suspension cables of the universe."

Message to Readers

I've been struggling with chronic illness for almost three years now, and I'm pretty sick of writing about it, but this poem sort of crept up on me spontaneously and wanted to be written, so I humored it. I hope you'll do the same for me.

Crushed Wings Can't Fly

April 1, 2019

So I guess there’s a war
I have to win.
I guess there’s this void
I have to fill,
or maybe it’s time to go down to the gates
of hell
and beat on them until someone comes,
comes to tell me my lot,
how many battles I have fought,
how many I still have left
to lose.
Maybe from the lips of a demon
it will not seem like so much,
and I will take the leap,
the plunge,
no matter if my wings are crushed.
But crushed wings
can’t fly,
though I may be small.
Watch me
fall.
 
The void is dark, but dark does not describe
the weight or feel
of nothing,
dark does not describe the press and ache
of nothing,
dark does not describe
the inky air that steals my breath to turn me
into nothing.
In the void lurk shapes.
I feel them as I fall,
and twist so as not to feel,
twist
and writhe
trying desperately not to see,
because I know the things that lurk
inside of me,
and they are terrible.
My wings are no use.
They strain and reach,
but crushed wings
can’t fly,
only flail in the darkness.
The fall is nearly over now,
the bottom in sight.
Watch me
fight.      
 
A battlefield is not a soft place to land,
and there is no one here
who will stop
to lend me a hand.  
Not even the ones who fight on my side,
for they are too busy keeping me
alive
to consider my comfort.
If they were to falter we would drown,
they and I.
I see no way off this battlefield,
this place of blood
and bone,
where my mind once made
a home
but I now ache to escape from.
I yearn to fly free of this body,
out of this place of war
and carnage.
Crushed wings
can’t fly.
But I am stubborn.

Watch me
try.

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