Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
The average person has more veins than the rest of us. The average person lives in sweden. They eat nothing but goat cheese and honey. Their name is Klaus and they need glasses but can't get them because the government doesn't believe they exist. Klaus was called the average person because he can summon an army of gnats by shouting how he feels on a certain day. The average person can't define the word "define," but uses it often, because it's one of the seven words they know how to pronounce.
The world you created for this story is so intricate and fun! Despite the WTNV aesthetic, it is its own place, independent and very original. Your characters are all intriguing and unique, I love your writing's voice as well!
You have so many characters, and everyone is going about their daily lives, so there is a lot of material concentrated in such a small piece. I feel that this is the very tip of an iceberg and it's the coolest looking iceberg I've seen in a long time. What I'd love to see is the main character being pushed into a deeper relationship with any one of these characters, seeking out others instead of dodging them. What is it that will call them to action if all these traditional fantasy quests won't? There is so much here, (you've mastered the art of compact writing) so the only real way to make your story better is to write more of it.
What are the other 6 words Klaus can pronounce? Asking for a friend...