Peer Review by Hanan Adi (Germany)

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Numbers.

By: diagonabby


PROMPT: 0-9

0 is the number of bags she takes.
1 is how many steps she takes to walk away.
2 is the number of parents yelling at her to come back.
3 is the amount of trains she has to catch before she reaches where she wants to go.
4 is the number of streets she has to cross.
5 is how many fingers she counts, anxiously, as she walks along an unfamiliar street.
6 is the number of times she walks up to the door and walks away again, sick to her stomach with nerves.
7 is the amount of times she knocks when she has finally gathered enough courage.
8 is how many eyes meet her own as the door opens.
9 is for the way her back curls over as she falls into the woman's waiting arms.


Message to Readers

Any!


Peer Review

The numbers create a sense of progression, which fits the whole story of a journey. It was an unexpected and interesting twist at the end, when you said #9 didn't stand for a number this time, but for a shape, the curve of the girl's back. Since the numbers signify the progression of the journey, this little detail adds to the sense of the journey ending and the girl finding what she seeks. Clever choices!


I would like to know more about #1 or #8. I am not exactly sure what you mean by #1; doesn't walking away take many steps? or even many running strides? Or do you mean she takes a step, and from there begins walking away? It's just something I found a little puzzling, but no big problem. I would like to know more about #8 because I am curious to know whom she is visiting -- her aunt, maybe, and the three extra pairs of eyes belong to her cousins?


Reviewer Comments

Good day, my friend.

Congratulations on publishing your first piece! Thank you for joining Write the World and contributing to our community. I hope you shall find that we are an encouraging and constructive bunch!

I really like this piece: the mystery of it, the manipulation of the numbers, even the sense of extemporaneity and freedom of the journey. It almost makes me want to run somewhere, anywhere, just to run and to forget my limits. I'm glad the girl found someone to hold her and help her in the end. Thank you for sharing this! Good luck on all your future efforts, my friend!