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aryelee

United States

18 year old college freshman writing about girls and life.

Message from Writer

out of the deck of lgbt cards, im the ace

i'll be turning 19 this year on august 31, so i won't be able to use this site for much longer. so here's some other places you can find me!
tumblr: luxaofherperides (main), aikatxt (writing), blossomvnk (writeblr)
commaful: aryelee
prose: aryelee
twitter: OkinawanAika

fist fighting chronophobia in an unlit parking lot

March 17, 2019

FREE WRITING

5

The future is a thing with wolf-teeth
waiting to swallow me whole.
I cling desperately onto each present moment,
creating life rafts out of seconds
trying to hold myself afloat as time pulls me under the currents.

There’s something paralyzing about losing time;
each moment gone too soon,
slipping out of my grasp,
hurtling me towards my inevitable doom and the end of all things.
Nothing is ever enough.
I am never enough.

It’s terrifying to be laughing with friends,
haunted by the thought that, one day,
                                                        This will all be over.
All the care and love that surrounds us
will wither away from neglect as we drift apart,
find new waters to swim in, new oceans to cross
and all that will be left is a ghost of the good times.

I don’t want anything to end.
And so, the future is terrifying in that all it holds,
is loss and regret, heartbreaking nostalgia,
endless endings.

The ever constant ticking of a clock rings out in my nightmares,
mocking me, shouting:
                                    Time’s up! Time’s up!
In my dreams, I break clocks and hourglasses,
mixing the numbers with sand in my own equation to create eternity.
Wolves howl behind me but I care little for them when I have a dragon’s heart.

This is a fear that will never leave me.
This is a fear that will never defeat me.
I stare down the sunset and wait for dawn,
fighting and snarling and doing all I can to hold on just a little longer
to cherish what little time I have.

The future is terrifying, yes,
but I am stronger than fear and despite it all,
I will carve a future worth fighting for out of this stone
with nothing but my bare hands and a will stronger
than steel.

 

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  • March 17, 2019 - 1:55pm (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • loveletterstosappho

    i honestly had no idea there was a word for this fear nor did i realize that it wasn't just me being bizarre and delusional. reading this, i could feel my own panic, though the ending helped. thank you for this.


    3 months ago
  • N.

    This is a beautiful piece! It calls surrealist paintings to mind, which in my book is a hallmark of good poetry. :)


    3 months ago
  • Anha

    i saw you post this on your tumblr and i screenshotted it immediately. love this piece!


    3 months ago