Oscar_Locke

Australia

these are my letters
to myself.

Message to Readers

Comment how you think I should end this poem using a couplet.

the bride

March 16, 2019

FREE WRITING

6

white -- sand, seashell, lips
swing open, my eyes and heart
bleeding pink gauze, sore

the altar

with love; the pulse of
muscles on bones, strapless dress
stapled to my skin

the altar

strips back; and the man folds out
furred and feral for
my beard, my caress, sweetness

the altar

waiting; the welded kisses
of engagement ring,
gasp alone to empty airs

the altar

hungry; howling for your face,
the maul of embrace
stirs and roams, the mind

the altar

runs out; wounded cry of crowd
silence; the sound of
love. i stand so still

the altar

for you; i now vow
the loneliness -- my
doves in black, rotting bouquet

the altar

darkens; the shore waves,
ripples; i am white
as dawn as dusk as day; O

the altar
 

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3 Comments
  • paperbird

    ok thanks; i’ll review asap


    over 1 year ago
  • Oscar_Locke

    Thanks, @paperbird! I love the ocean draining away, maybe coupled with a lightning strike. I didn't go into this with a meter in mind. And thank you for the potential review!!


    over 1 year ago
  • paperbird

    it’s always unfair—your writing is so good but no one ever comments on it.
    to respond to your message from writer: if you want to only use two lines, you could easily do a simple form of symbolism—perhaps compare the speaker to a bird folding its wings or an ocean draining away. but you’re also about a hundred percent better at this form of poetry so you might have a better idea.
    i think i’m going to review this. before i critique—is there any particular meter you’re following that i should be aware of?


    over 1 year ago