Peer Review by clos (United States)

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What's Happened?

By: AudienceOfOne


what's happened 
to chivalry
to holding open doors
and helping old women carry their groceries
what's happened
to kindness
a smile that lights up a face
and a hand to help another up
what's happened 
to selflessness
to letting another go ahead
and giving up a seat on the bus
what's happened 
to the world we once knew
where people
were people
not zombies
staring into screens
tiny little glass rectangles
they say have all the answers
doors are slammed in people's faces
old women struggle on their own
no one smiles
unless they pass another level
there are no helping hands
only the gift of opposing thumbs
helping take out the bad guys
on the controller
everyone stands in line
oblivious to one another
not letting those most desperate to go ahead
and everyone is too busy
walking into streets 
and narrowly missing buses
to find their next Pokemon
to offer up their seat
what's happened to the world
to us
what have we become
everyone's too worried about global warming
and incoming asteroids
or world wars
to understand the real problem
the real problem is us
we're losing what it means to be human
what it means to have relationships
we're losing
i don't know what's happened 
to the world
i don't know how to fix it
and that scares me more
than any temperature rise
any asteroid
any war



Peer Review

I really enjoyed the humanity and message behind this piece. It goes from a time where people would truly communicate with one another, and be selfless, and be sort of like heroes to one another, but then shifts narrative to today's world, where most of those great traits are lost or buried in the past. Today's technological advances are great, but with that we become addicted, too focused on ourselves, and lose our humanity to one another. I think this piece communicated an excellent message to what has happened to us?

It would be fun to see an explanation on what happened to people. Maybe create a character and have him or her undergo an evolution like this. But you could communicate the message from this piece and apply this into a character or story, I think that would be fun. I also think it would be nice to see an interaction on both sides. What if one person from the old times interacted with a person from today, what would that look like? What could they learn off from one another? And how could they fix each other problems? There is definitely a shift between generations and I think it would be fun to explore the merits of each one and applying it in the present in a story form. Also, even though it may seem impossible, what are some of the little things people can do to stop this addiction?

Reviewer Comments

This was a great, thought-provoking story that told a greater story about humanity and its evolution from generation to generation. This piece spoke to me because of its remembrance of a much simpler time to today's climate. Bringing together an underrated problem in the present. Thanks for this writing, I hope to read more like this in the future!