Peer Review by annacatherine (Australia)

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i saw skeletons carved from paint and i thought of this

By: paperbird


the ribs must have been sturdy, a reality ago
but perhaps the paint has rotted them away
the punch of the indigo night now seized
the packaged structures, once crisp and milk white
but now stilted in syrupy umber––
a cavity less glaring than fresh bone,
a beating heart forgotten, or maybe
a mangled twist of arteries
still throbs in the sky.
my life is lucid, my dreams are pained
and the world is made of microscopes––
the prints of vague lenses wiped
firmly on my ever-glassy eyes;
i see the world in penciled graphs
in every mind, a clicking calculator.
the twitches of my neurons are constellations,
stars combusting and galaxies split;
my hands jolt with the cosmos
my brain aches with the fog of spacetime.
but time to look back at that rotting ribcage
at the clumsy hearts shot straight to the clouds
the faint grin rested on bony teeth
a peevish glint frozen in gaping eyes.
they say a true scientist will
crave the dead
for i could never see mathematics
in the veins made of coal
in the wicked weather of those dusty sockets.

Message to Readers

based off a painting i saw once
PLEASE COMMENT; LIKES TELL THE POET NOTHING. if you have any criticism, please deliver––this is draft ii and i am always eager to improve.

update: sorry sorry sorry i haven't been writing as much; i'm on vacation

Peer Review

I really love the way you've written poetry filled with imagery that's really appealing to listen to. I love biology and this poem filled my senses and made me happy :) I especially liked the first two lines and the last five lines of this poem. I felt like they were written really well and created an amazing mood for your poetry.

This poem is amazing - I don't have any ideas for you to improve on.

Reviewer Comments

I really love reading your poetry because it's so lovely to read. I would really like for you to do more poems like this!!!