Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
This is my first competition piece so any feedback would be great! This piece is kinda like my earlier one, Guns and Roses, so I hope you guys like it!
The powerful statements and the questions really prod the reader into thinking. It is fast paced, beautifully interwoven with facts and opinions alike.
The main argument is that why should people willingly let guns go into the wrong hands. How is such a big issue happening every day and nothing is being done to stop it. That people feel unsafe, lives are being lost for nothing--nothing unless somene is willing to do something about it.
The combination of statistics and facts interwoven with emotional pleas are the most compelling. Your personal connection and what you are doing about it. Particularly the beating heart mentions that make the issue seem more real to the reader. Really great writing.
Maybe a few more statistics, and structure could be improved in some places. It is chock full of great information and prose, so cut it to the bone a little bit, make your point a little clearer.
I think this is great, compelling, good balance of creativity and cold hard facts. If this is your final draft, congratulations! It's amazing.
You should read Taking Aim Power and Pain, Teens and Guns. It is a collection of short stories and different perspectives with different authors. A couple school shooting stories. They are really beautiful and remind me of your writing.