Closing my eyes just to feel my beating heart, focusing on my screaming thoughts. I long and crave and desire to feel the fresh breeze touching my hair making me in- and exhale again after such a long time of holding my breath and gasping for air.
I wish it would be just cold enough to give me chills under my leather jacket, yet clean enough to empty my raging and storming mind. Enough to tame the disturbing feeling in my stomach, the feeling of being locked up and stucked, the feeling of hopelessness. I want my nose filled up with the smell of salvation and my lungs with pure, satisfying oxygen. I want that massive, heavy weight off of my chest, while I'm becoming alive, and starting to see the colors and lights around me. I want to finally regain and taste my long lost freedom.
Yet here i am, trying, but still unable to breathe, and it just gets worse with the struggle. The control I have over my body is not enough to keep my senses sharp and i am becoming more and more numb with each overwhelming moment. All I see is grey and blurry while my eyes start to betray me, so I weakly decide to keep them shut and force myself to drift back into the toxic delusion of my non-existent liberation.