Peer Review by clos (United States of America)()

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The Man On The Moon

By: Janna Brown


FREE WRITING

Holding his shimmering fishing pole, a young man leans back on the glowing crescent of the moon,
Knowing that he better start fishing soon.
His hair was black as midnight,
His smile was the dawn's first light
And his eyes were the first stars that appear at night.
Though he was playful as can be,
Deep down inside he was lonely.
Sitting on the moon's rim,
He watched the people down below him.
Curious as to what they're all doing,
He thinks of the dream he is still pursuing.
So he casts out his silvery line way out far,
And hopes to catch a shooting star.


Message to Readers

A few weeks ago, my nephew, niece, sister, and I were driving home when my nephew made a comment about the moon. As a response to that, I made a joke about there being a man on the moon fishing for stars, and from that came this poem.


Peer Review

First off, I love the inspiration from which this piece was derived from. You managed to add onto a joke which turned into a sincere, thought-provoking story. I think that is very creative, well done! The story itself was beautiful. From the intricate details of the man on the moon, described using details from nature, to discovering the man's hopes and dreams and loneliness. The language you used in this piece sets off a relaxing, hopeful tone. Each line is filled with vibrancy , it made we want to continue reading over and over again.


I think it would be an interesting idea to delve into the loneliness of the man. You could describe his life up in the stars, or maybe create a storyline where he meets astronauts. I think that would be fun. You do a great job describing the man on the moon, I would love to see more of that. Maybe talk about his dream where he catches the star he's been dreaming of his whole life. Or he meets someone new. Or maybe talk about his observations of the people he sees. These are ideas which I find are interesting concepts, feel free to use or not use them.


Reviewer Comments

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this short, but sweet story about this man on the moon. The atmosphere of this story is so relaxing. This story inspires me to try and take in the small details or jokes in my life and elaborate it into a beautiful story that tells a message. Thank you for this piece. I hope to read more of your writing in the future.