Peer Review by Mary Wall (United States)

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Stolen Dream

By: Fatima M


FREE WRITING

I'm living someone else's dream
My own i do try to redeem,
But sometimes I can't help but feel,
that maybe it had seemed ideal
just at a certain point in time
maybe then just to fix a rhyme
or that I deserved it after all,
to be placed in someone else's call

I appreciate what is given to me,
But then it's just not what I see
when I'm lying awake
and trying to take
what i can before time runs out
then I'm back in this world of doubt

Of course, it's all very pretty to the eyes,
But then, I fail to recognize
How to refrain from looking so grim
living with this stolen dream.
 

This is an ancient piece of mine, what do you think?

Peer Review

The theme is amazing! The original phrases used to describe it are so beautiful! I love your line "but then it's just not what I see when I'm lying awake trying to take what I can before time runs out". I think many people can relate to that feeling, of feeling like you're living someone else's life, or dream, and you just want out.


I'm partial to happy endings, but I guess this really shouldn't get one, since the theme is so relatable and really doesn't have a happy ending in real life.


Reviewer Comments

Your thoughts, so original, ( and they rhyme, which is awesome!:) is so powerful and anyone, no matter where they come from will be thinking over their own life while reading this, trying to see if they are living their dream, or just living off someone else's. Great job on this! Looking forward to reviewing more of your work!