Peer Review by RainAndSonder (United States)

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trapped

By: weirdo


FREE WRITING

i'm trapped.
my feet are moving
but my body stays.
why won't you free me?
why must you do this?
what did i do to you?
why must you confine me?

fine.
do not answer.
i do not wish to hear it 
anyway.
your words will be filled
with lies.
those lies will be spat 
in my face and burn me.

keep your secrets.
just leave me be.

no chains.
no ropes.
no physical confinement.
still, you keep me here.

no of this is against 
my will.
i love you.
and i want to be with you.
yet your love is a trap.
that keeps me here. 
confined and
t r a p p e d
 


Message to Readers

i don't know what i just wrote. does it make sense?


Peer Review

I love how you communicate the emotions here. It's so real and raw. I love how you show the shifting, confusing, desperate mess of being in love through this poem.


I feel like more figurative language and description could've been used. Maybe a little about the person that this is addressed to, what they're like, what makes the narrator love and hate them at the same time?


Reviewer Comments

Fantastic poem! I could really feel the emotion here, as it shifts from one stanza to the next, and I felt that I was standing in the narrator's shoes. All the critiques I have to make, I've made above, so I'll leave you with this: excellent work!