Peer Review by ashdeanmanns (United States)

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Like father, like daughter (#N.dialogue)

By: nezi_nes


FREE WRITING

“Daddy?”

“Mmyes, Katie?”

“What are you doing now?”

“I’m pasting some spreadsheet data onto my document for work. What are you writing, my dear?”

“I’m uhh, doing the times and divide things on my notebook. I don’t like it, Daddy. I don’t like doing the times and divide because I can’t remember what 9 times anything is! And that means I can’t remember what anything divided by 9 is! Also we just learned what these are called, there’s a number on top and a number on the bottom and there’s a line between them, and it’s called uhh…..a …. ah… Oh I forgot already! We just did it today!” She huffed.

He couldn't help but let a charmed chuckle slip past his lips. “Go on, I know you’ve got it in you somewhere. You’re thinking and that’s good. Do you know what it sounds like? What does the first letter start with?”

Katie’s face scrunched over, her brows a furious representation of her inner cogs whirring and clanking. “A sh… sheh… no. Shar… parsh.. bash… batch... ugh, I can’t find it, Daddy!”

“A fr…. fra…”

“Fraction!!! A fraction! Yes! I got it, yay, yay, yay, yay!!” Katie proceeded to prance around while cocking her head like a pigeon, pronouncing the two syllables “FRAC-tion” with uneven pitch and loudness. She continued to do so until about ten seconds later, where she suddenly stood still and her face fell. “Daddy, are you sad that I didn’t remember it from before? Because I didn’t remember it.”

“Why for the love of potatopatota would I be unhappy with you? Daddy is actually very proud that you said it by yourself, even without me saying it.” He tapped his hands twice onto his lap. “Here. Come here, Katie.” She ran up to him and adjusted herself into a comfortable position, her soft, brown hair catching on the barbs of her dad's short, black beard peppered with white.

“Don’t worry, my dear. I only actually knew the times tables when I was 12, and even then I was horrible at maths. But look at what Daddy’s doing now! He's doing maths for a living! Isn’t that crazy?" A pause. "Keep trying, Katie. That’s all you gotta do. If you do that, it can take you to places you’ve never imagined.”

A “Yes, Daddy!” and the "vrrt" of clothes was followed by pitter-patters into another room. He closed his eyes and felt a kindled warmth glowing, tinged with the pain that could only come from the love for his little one. Katie Luna Emmerson: the only soul that kept him alive, and sane. She really was the entirety of his world.

You can find the contest page here: 
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/104738/version/198742

Message to Readers

Repost + small edits for N and ADM's contest!


Peer Review

I loved that you did paternal love! This was the first submission holding that, and N. and I hadn't thought many people would interpret the prompt that way.


I'd like to know further more on the family life. Is Katie's mom there? Who is she, and what are she and the father to each other? Exes, divorced, widows, married something like that. How was Katie raised? Details like that.


Reviewer Comments

This did move a little bit slow, but it does work for what you wrote. To be honest, I had something that was really constructive, but I don't remember it.