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Slugish

United States

Ugh... introductions. I need coffee...Sip...Ahh...Ok...Wait.Sip...
Ok I'm ready now.
I am the Editor in Chief of my high school's Creative Writing Club and I love reading, eating, and sleeping and coffee, but I do enjoy the occasional cup of tea.

Message to Readers

This piece contains two versions of a poem. While the changes are subtle, they each deliver a different message. Comment on which you think is better; version 1.0 or version 2.0. ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

Week 2: Prompt #1 CURRENCY

February 22, 2019

FREE WRITING

1

Currency version 1.0

Everyday his head is bent downwards.
He is quite tall so his slouch is quite pronounced.
It’s painful to look at.
His neck is bent.
Always looking downwards.

Till.

He spots something dull and round.
He bends down and pinches the metal coin between his fingers.
It’s a penny.
It’s painful to look at.
It’s not worth much.
And he squints his eye to make out Lincoln's face.
All covered in dirty muck.
He puts it back down.

Till

He spots something shiny and round.
He bends down and pinches the copper coin between his fingers.
A fresh penny.
It’s painful to look at.
It’s not worth much.
And he squints his eye to make out Lincoln's face.
It blinds him with the sun’s reflect.
He puts it back down.

Till

Until he finally finds one
It’s bigger and thicker.
It’s not a dull copper coin.
It’s a shiny nickel.
A coin worth five pennies.
And he pockets it.
While putting his nose back to the grindstone.
It’s painful to look at.

CURRENCY version 2.0

Everyday his head is bent downwards.
He is quite tall so his slouch is quite pronounced.
It’s painful to look at.
His neck is bent.
Always looking downwards.

Till.

He spots something dull and round.
He bends down and pinches the metal coin between his fingers.
It’s a penny.
It’s not worth much.
And he squints his eye to make out Lincoln's face.
All covered in dirty muck.
It’s painful to look at.
He puts it back down.

Till

He spots something shiny and round.
He bends down and pinches the copper coin between his fingers.
A fresh penny.
It’s not worth much.
And he squints his eye to make out Lincoln's face.
It blinds him with the sun’s reflect.
It’s painful to look at.
He puts it back down.

Till

Until he finally finds one
It’s bigger and thicker.
It’s not a dull copper coin.
It’s a shiny nickel.
A coin worth five pennies.
And he pockets it.
While putting his nose back to the grindstone.
It’s painful to look at.

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  • February 22, 2019 - 4:22pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Quille

    I think I like 01 better, but the changes are hard to see at first :)


    5 months ago