dreaming of goddesses, sunflowers and italian sunshine.
yet, every heaven has a hell under its surface.

we long for those we left behind:

Message to Readers

my valentine's day went great, how did yours go?

another life

February 16, 2019


in another life, we met sooner.

you had lived in the house by the sea, salt and brine tangled in your soft curls and every time i came to visit you would smile and drag me into the surf. it felt right to laugh and hold your hand, the salt water couldn't wash away the black stains on your hands from the inkwell in your father's study that you weren't meant to touch. we pressed our fingerprints into a pebble and tossed it out to sea.

in another life, we were closer.

you'd been reading on the train, and there were no seats left but the one next to you. why no one had sat next to the charming girl with the book, i had no idea. i sat down next to you. we talked so long we missed our stop, but i walked with you all the way until you turned at the fence with the hanging roses and bade me farewell. your cat came out to greet me after you left. he always knew when i was coming.

in another life, i was different.

you'd been our prisoner, a filthy woman dressed in soiled rags and mud-smeared cheeks. i never hurt you -  no i could never, those eyes - but i could never quite save you either. you never told me what you'd done. i never asked. just handed you your tray of food and sat with my back up against the iron bars, telling you stories from my childhood until you went to sleep. i learned later that you had killed the sherrif's son. clever girl.

in another life, you were frightening.

we were comrades, you and i, but your golden hoops spoke volumes about the confidence in which you screamed for the cannons to fire - i possessed the amount of swagger that you could've lent me with a kiss and then stolen it back. you never took hostages, no, they could join or they would be left to drown. but you never left the children. the women were questionable, for you feared another like yourself stealing your crew away, the only family you had left. i heard you crying once, but never spoke a word of it.

in another life, we were wild.

you disliked me at first. but we were children, and children change their minds quickly. modesty was never our concern as you taught me how to climb trees, how to look for tracks or how to catch a rabbit (i was always far too squeamish for the skinning part, and so were you so we had to ask your mother). it didn't feel like we grew up, but the trees that reached the sky somehow seemed closer to the ground now. i kissed you for the first time hidden in their foliage.

in another life, you dreamed.

you dreamed of earthquakes as they shook the ground, you dreamed of lightning and thunder - your uncle's home was scorched and his flock of sheep bleated like dying men - you dreamed of sunlight strong enough to make poseidon shrivel to a husk of a god if he ever set foot on land, and the drought made harvests difficult. you dreamed and dreamed, but all i could do was watch and hold your hand. for you dreamt, but were never asleep.

in another life, i was quiet.

we were so similar then - smart, humble, and with a resilience that kept our backs as straight as the ladies who wore corsets in the past. you would show me your work and i'd be delighted, all the time we spent together, like a holiday in a place we already knew as home. but i stayed quiet. i didn't understand how love could stand further than the constraints of a bearable marriage between a man and woman. you left. i didn't blame you.

in another life, we grew old.

it seemed improbable, these cursory turns of events that we'd come to associate with falling in love. it was slow that time - stolen glances and long drawn out discussions about what we wanted to become. it took months for me to dare to hold your hand. you'd speak your mother's native tongue as you ran your fingers through my hair, and i would touch your fingers to my lips, one by one. we were married for fifty years, and i kept sunflowers next to your bed.

in another life, we never met.

countless times, little coincidences would add up, but neither of us noticed each other. it wasn't just one life, this was the reality of dozens of cycles. like a butterfly's wing, i'd see you in a crowd, but by the time you turned around i'd already be gone. it was cruel. sometimes i lived alone. you got married once, and you were happy - but i didn't see the wedding, how could i have? as often as our paths intersected, we remained utterly and hopelessly parallel.

in another life, another life, going round and round, this game of the gods to see how we met, how we grew, how we loved - no matter.

we can't remember those other lives, so we'll live this one like it's the first. every time i see your words, i smile. i think you smiled back too.


See History
  • February 16, 2019 - 8:32pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

  • jeily

    your work keeps coming up on the dashboard and you know what i'm most definitely not mad about it

    6 months ago
  • Kenny

    So I just read this piece and the response, and by god, I have never put my heart into a grinder this gleefully, but there’s a first time for everything:) I have no words, I just sat in silence for a solid minute until my brain was capable of putting together coherent sentences.

    about 1 year ago
  • majestically awkward manatee

    stunning and gorgeous! There are your 5 likes (should have made the prize more likes) on pieces I geniunely liked for winning my short contest that was like 3 months ago. I loved reading all those pieces!!!!

    about 1 year ago
  • a sprig of pink

    This is stunning, but also incredibly depressing in a sense, I don’t know if you were aiming for that, but it got me, man. Also..I’m confused by your comment on my joke piece-who are you referring to?

    about 1 year ago
  • .audrey michelle.

    i have no other words!!!

    about 1 year ago
  • .audrey michelle.

    this was beautiful

    about 1 year ago
  • Big Blue

    Ah, my sweet gay heart.


    about 1 year ago
  • elisa

    gonna review this soon, babes. almost done with my piece x

    about 1 year ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    oh my god this is gorgeous and i adore it. bookmarking this & i'll leave a review sometime in the future, i promise

    about 1 year ago
  • paperbird

    i need to reread this five times hang on

    about 1 year ago
  • koi pond wanderer

    I don’t...i just got on this site what do you mean?

    about 1 year ago
  • N.

    I didn't really need my heart anyway...
    the transitions between each reality were great, it all meshed beautifully.

    about 1 year ago
  • JCWriter

    This. This is beautiful.

    about 1 year ago
  • Onion3102


    about 1 year ago
  • elisa

    words cannot express how much i love you and this piece.
    in this life, we have found each other young. let's live a long life.

    about 1 year ago
  • Araw

    You're really damn good at writing romance

    about 1 year ago